Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Got my wedding ring back from the jeweler today. He did a great job. My Mother gave me some of her really old gold jewelry that she doesn’t wear anymore, and I gave it to the jeweler, so it hardly cost any money to get my ring done. I also got to introduce my wife to him, which was extremely cool, since he repaired both of our rings, one before we split up, and one after we got back together.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
I took my wedding ring in to the same jeweler that fixed Ceecee’s before we separated. Mine has been through a lot, and it’s developed a small crack on the bottom and is somewhat out of round.
He said that it wasn’t made very well and simply doesn’t have enough gold in it to repair the crack. He said he would need to add more gold to it and then it could be made stronger. I agreed, but told him I didn’t like the thought of being without my ring while the work was being done. I asked him if there was any chance that he had a plain wedding band that I could use as a loaner, so my finger wouldn’t be “naked.”
He didn’t, but he took a piece of white gold and went in the back and I could hear him tinkering around. When he came back out, he had actually made me a plain band to wear. He said he understood and that I could keep it.
I got a chance to share some of our story with him and he loved it. I hope that Ceecee will come with me when the ring is ready, because I’d really like to be able introduce her to him.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
We’ve been having some silliness to offset last evening. Not that it was that bad, but we had to go back to the old apartment in Republic to get the rest of our stuff out, since the end of the month is here. It was just weird and awkward to go back there (Ceecee hadn’t been back since she left) and face all those memories. We also had to pick through stuff and decide what was worth keeping, what we wanted to get rid of, and what we could sell.
As we were leaving, I spotted this ceramic turtle that we had bought as a garden ornament in the gravel bed by the front door and I picked it up. Ceecee set it up on the dashboard in the car and took a picture of it as we were driving away. She captioned her photo, “Mr. Turtle and I are ditching this place.”
Now today, she’s setting “Mr. Turtle” up all over the loft and taking pics of him.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Ceecee wrote, “I’m a 10 cow wife!” on her Facebook today. It goes back to a story we read years ago, and we even watched a cheesy movie about it on DVD once. It’s about a guy named Johnny Lingo and he lives on an island in the tropics. He is legendary for being able to make deals for just about anything, but the people from his home town say he moved away after he married a poor, ugly girl and that he gave 8 cows for her, which is a crazy amount of cows to give for a wife.
Anyway, the person telling the story decides to go find Johnny Lingo, and when he does, his wife is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. It turns out that him valuing her that much changed the way she saw herself, and she transformed into an entirely new woman.
I can never express how much this means to me. For years, when I was frustrated with our marriage, my main source was that my love for Ceecee didn’t seem to make any difference for her. She came with a lot of baggage from her past, which is fine, but I always believed that being my wife would eventually heal her and set her free from all that.
When years went by and nothing changed, it made me feel useless and like a complete failure. Of course I realize now that I wasn’t loving her properly, and that most of my motivations were selfish, so to read that this morning on her status really made my heart leap with joy!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
A really cool step on the restoration tour today. We each got new tattoos. Well, I got my first, and Ceecee got a new one. I had told Angie and a few others my idea for a tat back when we were separated, but I had never told Ceecee until after we were back together.
I got the verse from Song of Solomon in a circle with her name inside, and we decided that two wedding rings linked together was the missing piece. We went to the same artist who had done Ceecee’s first tattoo last Spring and he wrote it up in this really amazing script. I got it on my upper left arm just below the shoulder and it looks great!
Ceecee got a Champagne glass on the inside of her left wrist with bubbles coming up. It’s really cool. When I think of that bottle of Champagne the night she moved into her loft, and of sitting with her when she got her earlier tattoo and of how much I wanted to be able to love her and have her love me back, I’m overwhelmed. This is what the restoration tour is all about. It’s about revisiting the times and places where we got hurt, let each other down, or just missed out on what was meant to be. Now, we can heal those hurts, replace those disappointing memories, and create new ones that are the way they should be.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The emotional whirlwind continues. So many highs and lows right now and I’m not sure how much of it is my doing, how much is the nature of us trying to adjust to our new reality, and how much is just circumstances. About an hour before my shift was to end last night, Ceecee called me and asked me if I wanted her to get me a headlight for my bike. Just like that. No discussion about earlier in the day, just the question about the bike.
I figured if she was asking, it must mean that she still wanted to go on the Moonlight Ride, she wants there to be peace between us, and she doesn’t want to talk about it. Fine with me, so I just told her yes, that would be great. She said to hurry home after work and she would have our things ready for the ride.
We went and it was really a lot of fun. Since we hadn’t gotten to do the Tour De Cox the day the restoration tour started, I didn’t want this to be something we had to cancel also because of problems and stress in our relationship. It turned out great, though, but that’s only the beginning…
This morning, we went to the gym and Ceecee said that today she was going to try for her goal of swimming two miles. I can’t swim nearly that long, so I said I would start out in the pool with her, but then I would need to go do other things while she continued.
I stayed in the water for about 30 minutes, then asked her about how long she thought it would be. She said two hours total, so I headed off to work in another part of the gym. About an hour later, I was running laps on the upstairs running track, and it has three windows that overlook the pool. Each time I came by, I would look down and see if she was still swimming.
At first she was going steady and strong, but after a while, I could see that she was faltering and I figured she must be exhausted. I went down to the pool and squatted down at the end of her lane. When she made her next turn, she gave me a signal with her hand of five more laps, so I decided to stay until she finished.
Each time, I could see her struggling more and more, so I started saying encouraging things when she approached. She just kept holding up the number of fingers for the laps she had left. Finally, she made it. When she got out of the pool, I felt awkward being in my clothes, but she hugged me and thanked me for encouraging her. She said on Facebook that she couldn’t have done it without me. It was also the first time since we had been back together that she had shown affection toward me at the gym.
So that would have made it a really joyful day right there, but then we went to church. The week before had been a disaster, so I suggested we try somewhere else this week, if she was willing. She said she felt like we should go back to North Point and give it another try. I was pretty surprised, but off to North Point we went.
This time it was completely different. Everything I had hoped for last week happened today, and so much more. It was like everything from the songs to the message were set up specifically for her (and me) to be there! By the second or third song, she started to break, and I could see tears beginning to roll down her cheeks.
I went out to the lobby and got her some tissues, and it was good that I did, because as the message went on, it turned into this amazingly emotional bawl fest for both of us. I’m sure people around us must have been wondering what was wrong with us, but we didn’t care. We were having a healing moment with God and each other. She came back to her faith today and I can’t even begin to tell you how full my heart is and how much I love her.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
What a difference a day makes. As great as things were yesterday, they’re pretty screwed up today. Ceecee told me this morning that guy has still been texting and emailing her and that she is trying to be a friend to him because his Mom died recently. I didn’t handle it well, and my thoughts were certainly not thoughts of love.
We met for lunch (we both had work at the mall today), and I was still upset and just spewed angry words at her. I didn’t want to, and even as I was saying them, one part of my mind was telling me to stop it and that this wasn’t right, but that part lost. We were going to ride in a little mini charity bike ride tonight called the Moonlight Ride, but I suppose that’s off.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Well, it seems I was right. The last 2 days, Ceecee has written loving things about me on her Facebook. We had our Einstein Bros. Bagel Friday this morning on the way to work and we went for cupcakes and cheesesteaks downtown this evening. Life is good!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Ceecee and I rode our bikes to work today. The kids don’t come until tomorrow, so it was still just a teacher work-day and we figured that would be a good day to ride so we would know how long it took and what it was going to be like. The showers in the locker rooms are pretty awful, but they’ll have to do.
On Facebook, Ceecee wrote, “What a great ride to Ozark with Brian.” It seems crazy and insignificant, but it was the first time she has mentioned me on there since all this has gone on. I took it as important.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
What an amazing and beautiful day today was. Usually I hate these “all staff” first day back and getting ready for the new school year days. This year, with Ceecee and I being restored and in love, it was a joyful day.
Yesterday, I had hoped that the Principal would give people a chance to share any news from over the Summer, so I could share the news. I realized that a lot of people there didn’t even know we had separated because we hid everything at the end of the school year and didn’t stay in touch with many people over the Summer. He never gave the opportunity, so I just told the team that I’m on and a few people during the day.
Today, we were there as happily married husband and wife and it was pretty special.
The Restoration Tour 