Monday, May 24, 2010
Jury duty it is. A trial over a guy tripping and falling in a medical clinic and suing the clinic. The judge says two to three days, so I guess summer vacation will be postponed. Ceecee had an idea to take Taylor to run trails at the nature center south of town. We are getting him ready to go into the Air Force after he graduates.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Ceecee ran with her group again this morning and then we hurried off to The Hill in St. Louis. The weather was great and we ate outside at Milo’s, a bar and grill right in the heart of The Hill on Marconi St. They have bocce courts and there was a wedding party that was playing while we ate. It was both fun and funny to watch them in their tuxes and dresses out there playing bocce. Like before, while we were there, it almost seemed like our problems weren’t happening. Like we stepped away from our troubled reality and into a make-believe world where we were still Brian and Ceecee.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Today was the last full day of school for this year. We have a half day tomorrow, but it won’t amount to much. These last couple of months have really been tough because we work together at school. It’s not like we fight or say bad things to each other, but we always used to seem so close and people have always been used to us just being a great couple and they have to be able to tell that things are different.
Ceecee went to a thing for her Galloway group at the Starting Block tonight and got fitted for new running shoes. They do a video analysis of them running and then pick out shoes to match their style. I’ve never heard of the brand she got – Mizuno – but I was happy for her to see her excited.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Ceecee says on Facebook that she’s wondering why things can’t be clear and easy. I don’t know what that means. Sometimes I think she still wants everything to work out and sometimes I think she’s already gone.
Monday, May 17, 2010
It was really weird. Last night, right before I went to bed, I got an email that said, “Need help in your marriage?” I thought it was spam, so I ignored it. Today, I got curious and I went ahead and read it. It was from a guy named Mort Fertel, who apparently is some kind of marriage big shot. It said I visited his website and signed up for the free information – which I didn’t – but I went ahead and looked at what he had to say and it’s pretty interesting.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Things are not good. The weather had been rainy and dreary and we’re stuck inside and not really getting along. I kept trying to get Ceecee to tell me about St. Louis and she didn’t want to talk about it. Finally I asked her what her favorite part was and she said it was being alone in the room without me. I wanted to burst into tears, but I knew that would only make it worse so I just kind of sat there in shock. I mean, I understand that she says I’ve been smothering her and that she wants a break from what she feels has become a codependent relationship, but I can’t deal with this.
I went to pick up a movie from redbox this afternoon and when I got there, I just sat in my car in the parking lot and cried. I can’t believe any of this is happening and I can’t lose my wife. Finally I called Angie and told her what was going on. She was really upset and couldn’t understand it either. In a way it felt good to tell someone, but I hate that it hurts Angie also.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Ceecee called me this evening because she got turned around in St, Louis and couldn’t find her way to where she was going. Other than that, I didn’t hear from her. She doesn’t like to talk on the phone, especially when she’s driving, and I’m sure she and Ann were talking a lot. She was also going to take a break from me, or us, or whatever, so I didn’t really expect to talk to her much. I haven’t spent a night alone in a long time.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Ceecee was really angry and awful today, insisting that we weren’t celebrating her birthday and she didn’t want anything. She kept saying she wasn’t having a birthday and no one was to do anything for her. Of course I couldn’t let that stand, but it was really ugly for a while.
In the end, I took her to Old Chicago, one of our favorite restaurants, where Angie and Taylor were also showing up with a few small gifts. We ended up having fun, and after she loosened up, Ceecee let the waitress take some pictures of all of us with a digital camera. After we ate, instead of going home, I drove to the bike shop. I didn’t tell her anything, just drove there.
When she asked why we were there, I just told her she would see. She was so completely baffled when they wheeled the bike out, that she just said, “What is it?” I said, “It’s a road bike,” and she said, “but how?” I told her I would tell her later, when we weren’t in the store. I also got a bike rack to put on the back of the car, and one of the guys from the store came out and installed it for us.
That night on Facebook, she wrote, “Well, turning 39 wasn’t so bad and I had a nice birthday in spite of my protests. I’m so excited. I have my bike!” Surely everything will change now. She can’t stay mad at me forever and she has to see that I still love her, no matter what she might be thinking or feeling.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Taylor graduates tonight and Ceecee has had a headache all afternoon. She has never had trouble sleeping until the last year or two and it’s really bad lately. I’ve always had struggles with insomnia and sleeplessness, so I’m pretty much used to it, but she really doesn’t function well when she’s not sleeping.
She’s come up with this idea that she wants to go to St. Louis by herself as part of this whole “finding out who she is” thing. She says she wants to see what it’s like to go and not be dependent on me to drive and take care of everything. I don’t like the idea, so we came up with a compromise. She and my sister, Ann, share the same birthday, so they are going to go together. They are getting separate rooms, so that it’s a break for Ceecee, but she won’t be completely going by herself. I don’t feel good about it, but what can I do? I’m not going to forbid her and she really seems to be set on this.
The Restoration Tour 