Archive for September, 2012

Saturday, August 21, 2010

What a difference a day makes. As great as things were yesterday, they’re pretty screwed up today. Ceecee told me this morning that guy has still been texting and emailing her and that she is trying to be a friend to him because his Mom died recently. I didn’t handle it well, and my thoughts were certainly not thoughts of love.
We met for lunch (we both had work at the mall today), and I was still upset and just spewed angry words at her. I didn’t want to, and even as I was saying them, one part of my mind was telling me to stop it and that this wasn’t right, but that part lost. We were going to ride in a little mini charity bike ride tonight called the Moonlight Ride, but I suppose that’s off.

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Friday, August 20, 2010

Well, it seems I was right. The last 2 days, Ceecee has written loving things about me on her Facebook. We had our Einstein Bros. Bagel Friday this morning on the way to work and we went for cupcakes and cheesesteaks downtown this evening. Life is good!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Ceecee and I rode our bikes to work today. The kids don’t come until tomorrow, so it was still just a teacher work-day and we figured that would be a good day to ride so we would know how long it took and what it was going to be like. The showers in the locker rooms are pretty awful, but they’ll have to do.

On Facebook, Ceecee wrote, “What a great ride to Ozark with Brian.” It seems crazy and insignificant, but it was the first time she has mentioned me on there since all this has gone on. I took it as important.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

What an amazing and beautiful day today was. Usually I hate these “all staff” first day back and getting ready for the new school year days. This year, with Ceecee and I being restored and in love, it was a joyful day.

Yesterday, I had hoped that the Principal would give people a chance to share any news from over the Summer, so I could share the news. I realized that a lot of people there didn’t even know we had separated because we hid everything at the end of the school year and didn’t stay in touch with many people over the Summer. He never gave the opportunity, so I just told the team that I’m on and a few people during the day.

Today, we were there as happily married husband and wife and it was pretty special.

Monday, August 16, 2010

I rode to Ozark this morning. It was pretty cool. Ceecee went to the gym and swam 60 laps. Unbelievable. Her goal is 2 miles.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Pretty disappointing and confusing morning today. The part of our life that is still way out of whack is our spiritual life. Mine is better than ever, but Ceecee is still having a really hard time with that aspect.

She is very angry at our old church for not helping or being there for us when we were having our problems and she has been angry at God for not intervening when I messed up. I know that she still believes and that God has worked in her life to bring us to this point, but she’s not where she needs to be.

Anyway, she agreed to go to church with me this morning to North Point, the church I’ve been to a couple of times. We’ve talked about it several times and she was pretty nervous about it because of her tattoo and all, but I’ve told her that it won’t matter there. So we went and I had high hopes that she would like it and that God would have something on tap that would speak to her.

Instead of having regular church, they were having some kind of panel discussion about the past, present, and future of the church. They just sat up there and talked about the church’s history and what they have planned. When we were leaving, Ceecee said it was a waste of time and she was kind of upset.

I didn’t know what to say or do, but I knew I needed to not react the way I used to. I knew that I needed to not judge her or be upset with her, so I just tried to be understanding and be concerned about her, not myself. I felt terrible and I also was a bit disappointed that God hadn’t answered my prayers. I was kind of like, “Really? This is what we got her first time back to church in months?”

Today is our last day of Summer vacation and I go back to school tomorrow. Ceecee doesn’t report until Tuesday. I am soooo thankful that we’re back together. I can’t imagine what we would be doing if we hadn’t worked things out.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Ceecee was angry this morning before I left. She said it was because she had really wanted to be in the triathlon and she’s upset that she can’t be. She went off to run 17 miles with her group while I headed back to Republic.

The atmosphere at the Tiger tri was really amazing. It was extremely well put on and was a great experience. The crazy thing is that my worst fear was having a flat tire and I did. I even went to a bike shop and bought new tubes yesterday as an extra precaution, but about 11 miles into the bike race, my front tire was gone.

I’m not good enough at changing flats to do it quickly and I was only about a mile from the transition area so I just got off and ran my bike in. I was so disappointed because I felt like I had been doing pretty well up to that point, but then I was really tired during the run. I actually struggled with some doubt as to whether I was going to make it as the run went on, but I kept thinking of my wife and praying for strength.

Crossing the finish line was indescribable. It was really hot and they had people with cold, soaking wet towels who literally took hold of us as we came in, put one of these towels on us and put drinks into our hands. I was a bit disoriented from the heat and from being so exhausted, so I just kind of wandered around a little bit in the grassy area off to the side.

After a few minutes, I went inside to the restroom and then it really hit me when I came back outside. All the emotion going back for all those months just caught up to me and I just lost it and cried right there in front of everybody. Then I just wanted to get to Ceecee more than anything.

I met her at the Meyer Center about 30 minutes later with Einstein Bros. Bagels and she was pretty wiped out from her run. We both had to work today, so we got to spend a few minutes together there in the lobby and then we had to shower and change and go to our jobs.

So that was it. The triathlon is over and I did it and our marriage is back together again and better than it ever was before.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Friday the 13th indeed. I’ve had a lot of time to pray about the mess. God told me that Ceecee is handling it correctly and to let her. I was listening to a song and the chorus really spoke to me. It says, “The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger, the hard lessons make the difference, and the difference makes it worth it.”

It partly goes back to while we were separated. This guy from her past came back into her life and she didn’t realize at first that being friends wasn’t what he wanted. Apparently he is convinced that she should be with him and is sending her messages to that effect. I’ve asked God what to do and He says, “Love him.” I don’t know how, so I am praying that he will find the Lord and leave us alone and do what’s right. Otherwise, I’ll just stay out of it for now.

Tomorrow is the triathlon. I’m still excited about it, but it seems really anticlimactic now. Ceecee won’t be there, which is disappointing. She has a long training run with her Galloway group. She’s still getting ready for the marathon, which will be in November. It was still pretty cool going to pick up my race packet this afternoon though.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I was at work today and Ceecee put “I need a vacation from everything” on her status. We just had two days off and they were two of the best days imaginable, so I was confused. I texted her and asked her what was up and she said she had gotten a message from a friend that upset her.

It was crazy, but God had spoken to me this morning and told me that something bad was going to happen today and to be ready for it. I had forgotten all about it, but then I figured this was what He was talking about. He kind of let me read her mail and showed me who the message was from and what the nature of it was.

When we were home tonight, I told her that I knew and that I understood and it kind of freaked her out a little. I didn’t know what else to do, so I just told her that God had already told me about it and that I was there for her. She’s got a situation that is pretty stressful and she’s not really knowing how to deal with it.

She says it’s her mess and that she needs to be the one to handle it. I don’t know about that, but I respect it. I’ve always been a “fixer,” but that doesn’t always work, especially since I understand now that my attempts to always handle everything for her ended up coming across as a lack of confidence in her. It wasn’t, but she learned to believe that I didn’t think she was capable of taking care of things on her own.

Since it really potentially affects both of us, I want to be involved, but I also want to show my wife that I do have confidence in her and that I trust her to handle it.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

We’ve been talking about riding our bikes to work sometimes when school starts, so we decided to do a trial run this morning. It’s 18 miles to Ozark, and when Ceecee first said we should ride to work sometimes, I thought she was crazy. I told her, “We can’t do that. It’s too far.”

Then she pointed out that we were going to ride the Tour de Cox and I also thought about the fact that I‘ve been riding 20 mile training rides to get ready for the triathlon, so I guess it didn’t make sense to say that we couldn’t. So this morning we set off with our phones as our GPS system. We got totally lost and had to keep turning around and trying different routes. In the end, I have no idea how many miles we actually rode by the time we got to the school, but we did make it.

Once we were there, we got on a computer and looked at the map to find a way home. The ride home was great and Ceecee gave me a little fist bump at a red light when we were close to home. It’s strange, but our relationship has been amazing when we’re alone together, but things are still a little strained and weird when we’re out and about.