Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Today, we rode our bikes to work and on the way home, we could see a storm approaching right where we were heading. We raced it, and right as we were reaching downtown, it hit.
I almost got blown over by a powerful wind gust and we were still trying to get to the loft when the rain started. We were right on the corner where our favorite cupcake place is, so we went for it and dashed inside. After the storm, we went home and Ceecee made Italian wedding soup!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Labor day, indeed. So glad this weekend is finally over. I’m still working at Macy’s, as well as teaching, and we just finished our Labor Day sale. It’s one of the two biggest sales of the year in the furniture and mattress department where I work.
I had to work all three days and it was insane. I’ve never been nearly that busy and we had a major system crash with our computers right in the middle of it. Ceecee and I don’t really need the extra income now, and I’ll probably only stay until right before the holidays. We usually travel over Thanksgiving, so this will help pay for all that, but I’m not willing to get stuck having to work and not be able to go anywhere.
Ceecee ran 20 miles in her training for the marathon over the weekend. I don’t know how she does it.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
A really cool step on the restoration tour today. We each got new tattoos. Well, I got my first, and Ceecee got a new one. I had told Angie and a few others my idea for a tat back when we were separated, but I had never told Ceecee until after we were back together.
I got the verse from Song of Solomon in a circle with her name inside, and we decided that two wedding rings linked together was the missing piece. We went to the same artist who had done Ceecee’s first tattoo last Spring and he wrote it up in this really amazing script. I got it on my upper left arm just below the shoulder and it looks great!
Ceecee got a Champagne glass on the inside of her left wrist with bubbles coming up. It’s really cool. When I think of that bottle of Champagne the night she moved into her loft, and of sitting with her when she got her earlier tattoo and of how much I wanted to be able to love her and have her love me back, I’m overwhelmed. This is what the restoration tour is all about. It’s about revisiting the times and places where we got hurt, let each other down, or just missed out on what was meant to be. Now, we can heal those hurts, replace those disappointing memories, and create new ones that are the way they should be.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Ceecee fell on her bike on the way home today. It was right in town, and just a fluke thing. She wasn’t hurt, just embarrassed, and I’m glad it wasn’t like when I cracked a rib last Spring.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The emotional whirlwind continues. So many highs and lows right now and I’m not sure how much of it is my doing, how much is the nature of us trying to adjust to our new reality, and how much is just circumstances. About an hour before my shift was to end last night, Ceecee called me and asked me if I wanted her to get me a headlight for my bike. Just like that. No discussion about earlier in the day, just the question about the bike.
I figured if she was asking, it must mean that she still wanted to go on the Moonlight Ride, she wants there to be peace between us, and she doesn’t want to talk about it. Fine with me, so I just told her yes, that would be great. She said to hurry home after work and she would have our things ready for the ride.
We went and it was really a lot of fun. Since we hadn’t gotten to do the Tour De Cox the day the restoration tour started, I didn’t want this to be something we had to cancel also because of problems and stress in our relationship. It turned out great, though, but that’s only the beginning…
This morning, we went to the gym and Ceecee said that today she was going to try for her goal of swimming two miles. I can’t swim nearly that long, so I said I would start out in the pool with her, but then I would need to go do other things while she continued.
I stayed in the water for about 30 minutes, then asked her about how long she thought it would be. She said two hours total, so I headed off to work in another part of the gym. About an hour later, I was running laps on the upstairs running track, and it has three windows that overlook the pool. Each time I came by, I would look down and see if she was still swimming.
At first she was going steady and strong, but after a while, I could see that she was faltering and I figured she must be exhausted. I went down to the pool and squatted down at the end of her lane. When she made her next turn, she gave me a signal with her hand of five more laps, so I decided to stay until she finished.
Each time, I could see her struggling more and more, so I started saying encouraging things when she approached. She just kept holding up the number of fingers for the laps she had left. Finally, she made it. When she got out of the pool, I felt awkward being in my clothes, but she hugged me and thanked me for encouraging her. She said on Facebook that she couldn’t have done it without me. It was also the first time since we had been back together that she had shown affection toward me at the gym.
So that would have made it a really joyful day right there, but then we went to church. The week before had been a disaster, so I suggested we try somewhere else this week, if she was willing. She said she felt like we should go back to North Point and give it another try. I was pretty surprised, but off to North Point we went.
This time it was completely different. Everything I had hoped for last week happened today, and so much more. It was like everything from the songs to the message were set up specifically for her (and me) to be there! By the second or third song, she started to break, and I could see tears beginning to roll down her cheeks.
I went out to the lobby and got her some tissues, and it was good that I did, because as the message went on, it turned into this amazingly emotional bawl fest for both of us. I’m sure people around us must have been wondering what was wrong with us, but we didn’t care. We were having a healing moment with God and each other. She came back to her faith today and I can’t even begin to tell you how full my heart is and how much I love her.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
What a difference a day makes. As great as things were yesterday, they’re pretty screwed up today. Ceecee told me this morning that guy has still been texting and emailing her and that she is trying to be a friend to him because his Mom died recently. I didn’t handle it well, and my thoughts were certainly not thoughts of love.
We met for lunch (we both had work at the mall today), and I was still upset and just spewed angry words at her. I didn’t want to, and even as I was saying them, one part of my mind was telling me to stop it and that this wasn’t right, but that part lost. We were going to ride in a little mini charity bike ride tonight called the Moonlight Ride, but I suppose that’s off.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Ceecee and I rode our bikes to work today. The kids don’t come until tomorrow, so it was still just a teacher work-day and we figured that would be a good day to ride so we would know how long it took and what it was going to be like. The showers in the locker rooms are pretty awful, but they’ll have to do.
On Facebook, Ceecee wrote, “What a great ride to Ozark with Brian.” It seems crazy and insignificant, but it was the first time she has mentioned me on there since all this has gone on. I took it as important.
Monday, August 16, 2010
I rode to Ozark this morning. It was pretty cool. Ceecee went to the gym and swam 60 laps. Unbelievable. Her goal is 2 miles.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Ceecee was angry this morning before I left. She said it was because she had really wanted to be in the triathlon and she’s upset that she can’t be. She went off to run 17 miles with her group while I headed back to Republic.
The atmosphere at the Tiger tri was really amazing. It was extremely well put on and was a great experience. The crazy thing is that my worst fear was having a flat tire and I did. I even went to a bike shop and bought new tubes yesterday as an extra precaution, but about 11 miles into the bike race, my front tire was gone.
I’m not good enough at changing flats to do it quickly and I was only about a mile from the transition area so I just got off and ran my bike in. I was so disappointed because I felt like I had been doing pretty well up to that point, but then I was really tired during the run. I actually struggled with some doubt as to whether I was going to make it as the run went on, but I kept thinking of my wife and praying for strength.
Crossing the finish line was indescribable. It was really hot and they had people with cold, soaking wet towels who literally took hold of us as we came in, put one of these towels on us and put drinks into our hands. I was a bit disoriented from the heat and from being so exhausted, so I just kind of wandered around a little bit in the grassy area off to the side.
After a few minutes, I went inside to the restroom and then it really hit me when I came back outside. All the emotion going back for all those months just caught up to me and I just lost it and cried right there in front of everybody. Then I just wanted to get to Ceecee more than anything.
I met her at the Meyer Center about 30 minutes later with Einstein Bros. Bagels and she was pretty wiped out from her run. We both had to work today, so we got to spend a few minutes together there in the lobby and then we had to shower and change and go to our jobs.
So that was it. The triathlon is over and I did it and our marriage is back together again and better than it ever was before.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Friday the 13th indeed. I’ve had a lot of time to pray about the mess. God told me that Ceecee is handling it correctly and to let her. I was listening to a song and the chorus really spoke to me. It says, “The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger, the hard lessons make the difference, and the difference makes it worth it.”
It partly goes back to while we were separated. This guy from her past came back into her life and she didn’t realize at first that being friends wasn’t what he wanted. Apparently he is convinced that she should be with him and is sending her messages to that effect. I’ve asked God what to do and He says, “Love him.” I don’t know how, so I am praying that he will find the Lord and leave us alone and do what’s right. Otherwise, I’ll just stay out of it for now.
Tomorrow is the triathlon. I’m still excited about it, but it seems really anticlimactic now. Ceecee won’t be there, which is disappointing. She has a long training run with her Galloway group. She’s still getting ready for the marathon, which will be in November. It was still pretty cool going to pick up my race packet this afternoon though.
The Restoration Tour 