Posts Tagged ‘Broken Heart’

Day 77 and Counting… Back Home

Posted: November 20, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Monday, October 25, 2010

I had to ride my bike while Ceecee ran 12 miles this morning. I can’t run on my knee, but she’s still training for her marathon. It seems crazy now that when this all started, she was saying she was going to run a marathon to prove she isn’t old.

The game was fun yesterday. My team lost and hers won. We both cheered for our teams, but we almost wanted the other to win so that each other wouldn’t feel bad. What we have now is so good. I’ll take it over any football win anytime, anywhere.

We drove home through rain for most of the way, while listening to Jack Johnson on the CD player. The scenery was beautiful and we enjoyed every bit of it. Nine days of celebration surrounding an anniversary that almost wasn’t and now we’re back home.

Day 75 and Counting… A Beautiful Tennessee Fall Day

Posted: November 19, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Tennessee is so beautiful at this time of year. Ceecee and I brought our bikes and took a ride through the country near my in-laws’ house this morning. The scenery was spectacular and, at one point, we rode through a shower of leaves falling from the trees alongside the road. My knee can handle cycling, just not running at this point. When we get back to Springfield, I’ll have to find a doctor and find out what’s going on, but for now, I’m thankful to be able to ride.

We made our third visit this week to an Old Chicago restaurant today. They have a club called the World Beer Tour, and you get a card that keeps track of all your purchases. There are incentives and prizes you can win and they have what they call mini-tours throughout the year. Some are holiday themed, while others revolve around major events.

Currently, they are holding the Halloween mini-tour. Normally, we don’t spend this much money on beer, but you get a free t-shirt if you complete the tour and I really wanted the shirt. We only needed one more visit, and there was an Old Chicago just minutes from my in-laws” house, so we went for lunch today.

Now remember, we’re in Tennessee for a football game, and I’m a fan of the “other team,” so I got into talking smack with our waiter, who good-naturedly gave it right back. Our last beer to complete the tour was the “manager’s choice,” so we didn’t get to order it. We just had to take whatever it was. My wife got a really cool craft beer from New England, while I got something awful in a brown paper bag. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the manager’s, but rather our Tennessee Titans fan server’s choice. Ceecee and I laughed over me “taking one for the team” and drinking it anyway.

It’s so wonderful to have found this new peace and to have rediscovered the fun in our relationship. There were so many years of tension and never knowing when one of us was going to say or do the wrong thing and the downward spiral was going to start again. The laughter had been missing for so long. I clearly remember one day very shortly before we separated when my wife asked me if I was happy and I told her honestly that I was no longer sure I even understood the concept. Looking back, I understand why she came to believe that she needed to leave. Now, I can’t be more thankful that I not only have another chance, but that we’ve both been so transformed and that we can make our future so much different from our past.

Day 72 and Counting…A 14th Anniversary To Treasure!

Posted: November 15, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Wednesday, October 20

So today is our 14th anniversary and for most people, that’s not a significant one. For us, there has never been one more significant, nor will there probably ever be. Just three months ago, there was very little hope that this day would ever come. I had spent months desperately trying to repair the damage and win back the woman I loved, but who I had not known how to connect with in a meaningful way for at least a couple of years.

I’m at work and we don’t have any big plans for tonight. I ordered a pretty nice bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates to be delivered to Ceecee at work today. We’ll go out to eat tonight, but it will be pretty low-key. We went out Monday night, and last night Ceecee cooked me some of her lasagna which she only makes from scratch. We had a big time last weekend and we’re leaving for Tennessee Friday night and today just feels comfortable. There’s no pressure to make this one day any huge deal because we’ve been intentionally celebrating our love since last Friday evening.

Really, we’re just having fun. We are enjoying each other’s company and the simple joys of being in love. We each feel a deep sense of gratitude and appreciation for the fact that we’re together and we’re just kind of floating through these days. It’s like we’re under a spell and I’m sure not going to do anything to break it.

I did pull off a potentially huge surprise, though. My wife has been looking for a certain style of black onyx ring for at least two or three years now. She has talked about it and shown me different ones, but always said she hadn’t found the one she really wanted yet. Very soon after we got back together, she did find it. She came to see me at Macy’s in August and told me that they had the ring she’d been looking for downstairs in the jewelry department and that she had seen it on her way in to see me.

She told me how much it was and I pretty much acted like I wasn’t really listening to make her think there was no way she was actually getting it. In fact, I bought it the very next day and have had it hidden in a drawer at home ever since. It’s never come up again, but she’s getting it today and, as far as I know, she has absolutely no idea.

Day 67 and Counting… Anniversary Week Begins!

Posted: November 8, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Friday, October 15, 2010

Our actual anniversary isn’t until Wednesday, but as of 3:00 today when we left work, anniversary week has begun! We are going all out and this is going to actually be a nine day anniversary celebration, because this is the one that was never going to be until the miracle of our restoration began taking place. It’s really almost 10 days if you count tonight, which I am.

Tomorrow we leave for St. Louis and a week from Sunday, we’ll be coming back from Tennessee. We’ve had some Cat Stevens references going back and forth on Facebook between us today. Ceecee wrote, “The wild world sent me home…where I belong,” and “You found your hard headed woman.” I wrote back, “And I know the rest of my life will be blessed.” We are the only ones who truly know how much that exchange meant, but let’s just say it did my heart a lot of good. On the one hand, I don’t really like it when she plays “wild world” in the car, because I know it represented her leaving me to go see what was out there on the wild side, but on the other hand, that CD was a gift of love that I gave her and there are some other songs on it that have become meaningful to us.

Day 66 and Counting…Opposite Sides Of The Same Coin

Posted: November 6, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Got our costumes finished today for the Halloween 10K. Not everyone runs in costume, but a lot of people do and we wanted to come up with something that would be fun and also mean something.

We’ve been talking about it off and on for a while now, but it was my wife that came up with the idea that we ended up going with. One day, just out of nowhere, she said, “Why don’t we go as opposite sides of the same coin?” I immediately loved it, because that was the phrase that my friend Adam had used months ago to describe us

We were separated and Ceecee and I had gone to art walk with Adam joining as kind of a third wheel. When I talked to him on the phone soon after and asked him if he was confused about why Ceecee and I weren’t together, he had said, “You guys are one. You’re opposite sides of the same coin.” I had told Ceecee that he had said that, but of course, we weren’t together then, so she didn’t respond and I was very pleasantly surprised to realize now that she still remembered that and still thinks about it.

This is really what the restoration tour is all about. Revisiting the same literal, physical places where things happened while we were breaking apart, and also revisiting those memories, those words that were spoken, those actions that were done that hurt each other and that we would never do now that we are in love again.

So how are we going as opposite sides of the same coin, you may wonder?, We are wearing tight black running pants or shorts with long-sleeved black shirts. We made signs that go on our backs with black on white for one and white on black for the other that say “Opposite sides of” and “the same coin.” Then we used a projector at school to trace and draw the front and back of a Missouri quarter onto cardboard cut-outs painted silver.

Day 54 and Counting… New Stuff for Our Loft

Posted: October 31, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

We got a new dining table and chairs today at Dillard’s. Ceecee isn’t going to be working there much longer and we wanted to be able to use her employee discount. It’s a pub style table that’s square and sits high with a built in leaf that folds out from underneath. It’s really cool and will comfortably seat 8 without taking up a lot of room.

We’ve been making quite a few changes to the apartment. It’s mostly to help me deal with things. We’re really happy and I love our life, but I also struggle with living there. It’s hard on me mentally and emotionally to deal with the idea of us being separated and not knowing or wanting to know what may have happened there. Just changing some things helps because it makes me feel like it’s only ours and there aren’t any bad memories associated with new stuff.

Day 47 and Counting…Positive Changes

Posted: October 18, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Ceecee registered for her marathon today. She thanked me on Facebook, which I appreciated, but she’s done all the hard work. She’s consistently running over 20 miles now, which I can’t really do, so sometimes I bring my bike and ride while she runs.

Other than that, we’re just enjoying being married. Life is pretty wonderful right now, and we’re growing more confident and secure as the days go by. There’s a lingering fear that this is only temporary, and that things will eventually revert back to the way they used to be, but I keep pushing that down, and there’s no evidence of it.

Things are actually getting better all the time and they are so different than they used to be. Ceecee doesn’t have that anger anymore, and I really believe her when she tells me how much she loves me. That’s pretty significant, because I always felt somehow unlovable before. I don’t know if it was from too many failed relationships or what, but I always felt, deep down inside, that I was unworthy of love, and that it was only a matter of time before any given person would reject me.

Day 33 and Counting…More Ring Restoration

Posted: October 9, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Got my wedding ring back from the jeweler today. He did a great job. My Mother gave me some of her really old gold jewelry that she doesn’t wear anymore, and I gave it to the jeweler, so it hardly cost any money to get my ring done. I also got to introduce my wife to him, which was extremely cool, since he repaired both of our rings, one before we split up, and one after we got back together.

Day 29 and Counting…Ring Restoration

Posted: October 7, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Saturday, September 4, 2010

I took my wedding ring in to the same jeweler that fixed Ceecee’s before we separated. Mine has been through a lot, and it’s developed a small crack on the bottom and is somewhat out of round.

He said that it wasn’t made very well and simply doesn’t have enough gold in it to repair the crack. He said he would need to add more gold to it and then it could be made stronger. I agreed, but told him I didn’t like the thought of being without my ring while the work was being done. I asked him if there was any chance that he had a plain wedding band that I could use as a loaner, so my finger wouldn’t be “naked.”

He didn’t, but he took a piece of white gold and went in the back and I could hear him tinkering around. When he came back out, he had actually made me a plain band to wear. He said he understood and that I could keep it.

I got a chance to share some of our story with him and he loved it. I hope that Ceecee will come with me when the ring is ready, because I’d really like to be able introduce her to him.

Day 25 and Counting… Mr. Turtle Moves Out

Posted: October 5, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

We’ve been having some silliness to offset last evening. Not that it was that bad, but we had to go back to the old apartment in Republic to get the rest of our stuff out, since the end of the month is here. It was just weird and awkward to go back there (Ceecee hadn’t been back since she left) and face all those memories. We also had to pick through stuff and decide what was worth keeping, what we wanted to get rid of, and what we could sell.

As we were leaving, I spotted this ceramic turtle that we had bought as a garden ornament in the gravel bed by the front door and I picked it up. Ceecee set it up on the dashboard in the car and took a picture of it as we were driving away. She captioned her photo, “Mr. Turtle and I are ditching this place.”

Now today, she’s setting “Mr. Turtle” up all over the loft and taking pics of him.

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