Posts Tagged ‘broken marriage’

Day 176 and Counting… Loving The “Blizzard of The Century!”

Posted: February 26, 2013 in Love and Marriage
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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

So, I’m getting all kinds of blizzard warnings on my phone and I’m thinking, “I’m being paid to stay in my loft with my gorgeous wife and this is a problem, how?”

Of course, I’m being a bit facetious.  This is actually a very unusual amount of snow and winter weather for the Missouri Ozarks.  In fact, this particular winter storm is being dubbed as the “storm of the century” and such by local meteorologists.

The truth is, it’s probably a major problem for a lot of people.  In our case, we are looking out the windows of our loft and enjoying the whiteness and realizing once again just how blessed we are.  Being teachers, we don’t have to work today (or probably for the next few days by the looks of things).  We are warm and cozy in our loft.  We have plenty of food, and we have all of downtown right around the corner from us if we do need or want anything.

More importantly, I have a restored marriage that’s getting stronger everyday.  My wife is a true woman of courage, honesty, and love.  I can’t stop giving thanks for her or for what God has done in our lives and our marriage.

Now, what to do today….

Day 174 and Counting…Restoring St. Louis

Posted: February 25, 2013 in Love and Marriage
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Sunday, January 30, 2011

The restoration trip to St. Louis has been more than I even hoped for.  Ceecee has been so amazingly sweet and loving and has just said and done everything right to make this an unforgettable and tremendously healing weekend.

When we set out in the car yesterday morning, we had to talk a little bit about we uncovered last Monday, which was OK, but I didn’t want to put a damper on the trip before we even started.  It’s just that we’ve learned through all of this not to let things sit and stew and become a problem later.  We’ve learned that you just say it and talk about it, but you do it in a loving way that puts the marriage first and any personal agendas to the side.

As we approached St. Louis, we had talked about where we would go and what we would do, but there was something that kept bothering me, so right before we got to town, I just asked my wife if she minded if I changed the agenda a little bit.  I told her what I was thinking and feeling, and what I wanted to do and she was more than fine with it.  She said that if it was important to me than we should definitely do it.

That’s how this weekend and how our “new” love has gone.  We communicate, we’re honest and open, and we put each other first.  I’m not sure why we needed to go through so much pain and heartbreak to get here, or even if we needed to, but I’ll never stop being thankful for what we have now.  I’ll also never stop trying to build what we have now into a house that will stand up to the test of time and the storms of life.

Day 172 and Counting… Reaching Out

Posted: February 21, 2013 in Love and Marriage
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Friday, January 28, 2011

Have I mentioned that my wife is amazing?

We’ve been going to North Point Church since we’ve been back together and we’re loving it.  They have small groups that meet in homes and Ceecee has been wanting to make some new friends, so she’s wanted us to join one.  The main problem is that I work so many nights at Macy’s and my schedule varies from week to week, so I don’t have regular nights that are free.

They have this event every few months where you show up and mix and mingle and try to find a group to join.  Tonight, I had to work, but Ceecee went by herself.  She called me at one point and said she’d found a couples group that was going to be starting up on Tuesday nights and she wanted to join.  I told her that I often worked Tuesday nights, so I might not be able to go often, but that was fine if she wanted to.

Later, she called and told me that she had joined the Tuesday night group and that if it was OK  we were going to be starting a group at our house on Sunday nights.  I asked her how that came about and she told me that our daughter and her husband, who hadn’t been going to church much, would come to a group if it was at our house.  Then she said she ran into another couple we used to know who also said that if we had a group they would come to it.

So she went to check it out and in a couple of hours she had joined a group and started a group.  Like I said, amazing.  I love her more all the time!

Day 171 and Counting…Back On Our Bikes

Posted: February 20, 2013 in Love and Marriage
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Thursday, January 27, 2011

The weather was nice enough to take our bikes out today, so we got in 12 miles after work.  Well, let me qualify that.  The weather was nice enough FOR US to take our bikes out.  Of course there are cyclists who ride year round regardless of weather, but we are not those cyclists.  We’re wimps when it comes to riding in the cold.

Anyway, it was a nice ride and the first time we’ve been on two wheels in a while.  This weekend, we’re taking an unscheduled restoration trip to St. Louis.  After what went down  Monday, we need to get to our city and fix some hurts and disappointments.  I’m a little scared of what fallout there might still be, but we’re also really committed to seeing ourselves healed, whole, and as strong as can be, so I suspect this is going to be a blessing on multiple levels.

Day 168 and Counting… A Setback and An Opportunity To Affirm

Posted: February 18, 2013 in Love and Marriage
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Monday, January 24, 2011

Sometimes it feels like no matter how much joy and newness we’ve found, the past will never let us go.  We’ve come so far and overcome so much and it’s truly been an amazing, wonderful journey.  At the same time, we both keep figuratively looking over our shoulders and waiting for things to begin to crumble.
These six months have had the highest of highs and some of the happiest moments of my entire life.  They’ve also had some real challenges and every time we allow ourselves to begin to think we might be in the clear to keep moving forward without any setbacks, we seem to run right smack into another setback.

Today was a tough one, to say the least.  Some things came out that weren’t supposed to come out and they were serious enough to threaten all that we’ve been able to build since last August.  It was a painful and frightening day and it reminded me how fragile our love still is and how much we really have come through.

On the other hand, it ended up being an opportunity to reaffirm, in the strongest of terms, our commitment to one another now.  It was a chance to show each other and the powers of Hell itself that nothing will come between us or destroy the love we are building.

Day 165 and Counting…Pre-Race Fuel?

Posted: February 15, 2013 in Love and Marriage
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Friday, January 21, 2011

Still dealing with some leftover fallout from our separation.  Ceecee forwarded me an email from that guy who has still been contacting her,  I thought he was pretty much gone, but she sent it to me this morning and was very apologetic. It was another of those “Can we talk?” messages. It’s not like she hasn’t repeatedly told him to leave her alone, so she didn’t need to apologize for it, but I asked her if she would allow me to get involved now.

Before this, she always asked me not to, but today she said to go ahead, so I replied to it.  Maybe this will be the end of it.

Tonight we’re going to a little local place called Tony’s Famous Spaghetti.  We’re calling it “pre-race fuel” since the 5K is still on for tomorrow.  It’s really just an excuse to eat there because it’s good and inexpensive, but pre-race fuel sounds good.  There’s still a layer of an inch or two of ice on the road in a lot of places, so this should be interesting in the morning.

Day 160 and Counting…An Unmanly Post

Posted: February 10, 2013 in Love and Marriage
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Sunday, January 16, 2011

I have a very unmanly confession to make.  One of my top favorite movies of all time is Anne of Green Gables.  Yes, as in “based on the novels by Lucy Maud Montgomery,” and made for a TV miniseries.  And….I own the entire set on DVD and watch them regularly.

I realize that I am now in jeopardy of losing my man-license and I have just written this for the entire world to read.  Why am I doing this?  I’m not sure, other than this is me and I’m telling it like it is.  And Ceecee and I had an Anne of Green Gable movie marathon at the loft today which involved crying.

That’s another thing.  I’ve always been a sensitive guy and I’ve been known to get emotional at movies before this, but now, since my change of heart and the things we’ve been through…it’s water works all the time.  I don’t fight it, though.  I know I’ve been through a lot of healing and there’s a lot of release that just needs to happen, so I let it.

Day 145 and Counting…A World of Possibilities!

Posted: January 30, 2013 in Love and Marriage
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Saturday, January 1, 2011

So this is 2011; so full of possibilities…starting out with a heart full of joy.  This was my Facebook status for New Year’s Day.  We’re just part way through the restoration tour and so much has happened.

There’s so much still to do, but it doesn’t seem daunting at all.  On the contrary, it seems joyful and wonderful and I can’t wait to continue our journey forward.  We are learning, loving, and restoring as we go, with August 6th as our target.

I’m so glad North Point Church has Saturday services.  It’s going to be so amazing today to worship the Lord, who has made this all possible, on the first day of the new year with Ceecee and Angie by my side.

Day 144 and Counting… Snowed In and Celebrating!

Posted: January 28, 2013 in Love and Marriage
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Friday, December 31, 2010

What a day for reflecting and being thankful.  What a day, period.  Make that, What a day, exclamation point!

It’s the last day of 2010 and I’m completely overwhelmed.  First of all, we’re back home.  We left a little early yesterday to race an oncoming winter storm.  It was moving from west to east and we didn’t want to take a chance on getting stuck, so we headed out and beat it back to Springfield.

It caught up to us after we got here and we’re pretty much snowed in, which is just the way we like it.  Our loft is right downtown, so if we need anything, we can walk down to the Bistro Market or any of the downtown eateries, but we’re warm, we have a great view, and we have everything we need.

Most importantly, we have each other, and a love that just keeps growing.  It keeps getting deeper and richer and I’m treasuring every moment of it.  Today Ceecee said I’m the peanut butter to her jelly.  That about sums it up, I guess.

It’s new year’s eve and when this year started, I had no idea that our marriage was nearly at its end.  I had pretty much been numb for so long, that I wouldn’t have known much of anything about what was going on in Ceecee’s heart or in her life.  I was just going through the motions most of the time because I wasn’t healthy and didn’t have any idea what to do.

Of course, the Spring was when our separation really began.  Ceecee hadn’t moved out yet, but she left me emotionally before she actually found her own place.  I spent the first few months trying to figure out how to stop it all from happening and the next few months changing, getting help, and learning to love her and winning her back.  By time school started, I had moved in to her place and we were gingerly putting the pieces back together.

The plan for the year we are calling the restoration tour was birthed then and it has gained momentum with each passing month.  There has been so much healing that I can’t possibly even attempt to chronicle it all here.  In the background, there is still pain and fear.  It comes from what we went through and some things we’re still dealing with, but it becomes less important as time separates us from it all more and more and we continue to make things new.

Today has been another one of those magical days – a fairy tale.  It’s the kind of day I had given up on.  Here I am though, living the dream.  I can’t take the credit.  It was God who brought this about and Ceecee’s heart that was willing to be changed to love again that’s made this possible.  This was both the worst and the best year of my life, if that makes any sense.  One thing is for certain.  I will never go back to the way things were.

Day 142 and Counting… Restoration in Old Dodge City

Posted: January 25, 2013 in Love and Marriage
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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Had a nice run through the streets of Dodge City this morning.  It’s one of our least favorite places for a plethora of reasons, but it’s where Ceecee’s Mom and Step-Dad live and close to my daughter as well.  We’ve hardly worked out or trained at all recently, so we decided we better do some running while we’re here.

Dodge City was where we lived when my spiritual decline really began.  We only moved there because we felt that God was calling us to.  We went through a painful church split and a number of other things that caused a lot of bitterness for me.  We were victims of numerous property crimes, had some falling out with people we had been close to, and got into financial difficulties with two houses that we owned.

Although it was wrong to do so, I blamed God and began to shut down.  I started shutting off my emotions toward Ceecee as well, although I didn’t entirely realize it.  We finally left and moved to Missouri as kind of a plea to be allowed to go and try to start over somewhere else.

This afternoon, we went walking downtown and through the old neighborhood.  We reminisced and romanced and it was wonderful to be in a place where we had gone through so much frustration and pain, but now had overcome it and were in such a different place, both literally and emotionally.  We had endured everything that had come against us and come out of it more in love and better people than we had been before.

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