Posts Tagged ‘health’

Monday, August 9, 2010

Best birthday ever. By far. Don‘t know what else to say. I got the fragrance like I asked for (and it came with a cool gym bag), but Ceecee’s love and our new marriage is by far the best gift.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

It was wonderful to wake up this morning after such a long, sound sleep. Ceecee’s sleep has been awful for a while, and I suspect it was due to emotional stress. Things really are like a honeymoon right now and I’m not planning on doing anything to break the spell. Tomorrow is my birthday and I’ve already received the greatest gift possible. Ceecee is off the next two days and I’m so looking forward to spending them together.

Monday, August 2, 2010

I never thought I’d be this excited to be up early on a Monday morning. I’m getting some of my things ready to take with me, because when I leave Macy’s today, I’m going to the loft to be with Ceecee as husband and wife again! I’m not going to bring everything yet, but I’ll have a lot of my clothes and personal things in the car.

Taylor is going to stay at the apartment for now. We are paid for another month and we’ll just hope that he goes to the Air Force soon. Whenever they are ready, they’ll give him his physical test and then they need to have a job for him, so we’ll just wait and see. We’re still taking him out running and to the gym and trying to work on getting him in shape.

Saturday, July 31, 2011

I don’t even know how to write this. I did the mock triathlon this morning and it was totally amazing! I completed it, but the run was so hard. I wasn’t sure I would make it and I just started saying Ceecee’s and Jesus’ names out loud and kept taking another step. I finally got to the finish line totally exhausted, but with a satisfaction as well.

I went home and about 10 minutes later my phone rang. It was Ceecee and I’ll never forget what she said. She asked me, “Are you ready to call your landlord and give him your 30 day notice and come move in with me?” I didn’t know what else to say, so I just said, “Yes.” She asked me if I was sure and I said I had wanted this and prayed for this all along, so yes I was sure.

We got off the phone and I kind of fell backward onto my bed and I just laid there and cried for about 30 minutes. It just all came out. All the emotion and fear and struggle just poured out of me and I let it. I don’t really know exactly how long it was and I didn’t care. Then, after a while, I wanted to tell Taylor. He hadn’t come out of his bedroom and I didn’t know if he was awake or not. I knocked on his door and he answered and I told him about the phone call. A few minutes after that, Joe called. I answered and told him, “I’m crying this morning, but it’s tears of joy today.”

I had to work at Macy’s and Ceecee showed up with Angie and they both seemed so happy and excited. Ceecee and I walked off by ourselves and she kept telling me that she loved me and that she was sorry. I’ll never forget the way she looked at me.

She also said she had made some mistakes and done things she wasn’t proud of. I told her it didn’t matter and that if I had been faithful and had been the man of God that she believed me to be, that none of this ever would have happened and that she would have never been put in the position she was. I told her that I took responsibility for everything that had happened and I meant it.

I asked her how she wanted all this to work and she said that she needed a day or two to clear her head and get things ready, so she wanted me to move in on Monday. That would also give us time to figure out what would happen with Taylor. He would still have 30 days in the apartment and either he would get taken into the Air Force during that time, or we would make whatever arrangements needed to be made.

Somehow I had always believed that completing the triathlon would trigger us getting back together, but I never considered the mock tri. The real triathlon is still two weeks away. I have no idea what, if anything, me crossing that finish line this morning had to do with anything, but my faith has always been strong for this and today it has all come to fulfillment. Now to get through the next two days and our marriage starts over!

Friday, July 30, 2010

This is an amazing time! After we bought the car yesterday, we went back to her place and ate. We talked and she really opened up about a lot of things. She said she could see that I’ve really changed. She asked me if I’m still praying and I told her, “all the time.” She said to keep doing it and to get everyone I can to pray because she really wants things to work out between us. It’s the first time she’s said anything like that up to now.

I was so freaked out, I didn’t know how to react, so I just stayed calm and told her I will. When I got home, I called Joe and told him that we have the upper hand in the spiritual battle now and let’s push through in prayer and finish this thing while we can. I’m not sure he totally understood, but he said he would. I called Adam and some others and encouraged them to pray hard as well.

I picked her up this morning to swim and then we went to a coffee shop for breakfast. When we came out to the car, she said it again. She said it will take a miracle, but she really wants things to work out for us, so please pray like never before. On her Facebook today, she wrote, “is believing that God will work all things out…”

I wanted to see her again tonight, but she said no, that I need to be home resting for the mock triathlon tomorrow. She’s right. I have to get up early and the mock tri is in Republic, so I need to leave from there in the morning.

Thursday, July 29, 2011

I had a really great workout this morning. My training group is having a mock triathlon Saturday morning where we are going to go through the entire actual course. The idea is so that we will know that we can do it. I still don’t know I can do it, but after this morning, I feel very confident. Ceecee dropped the training class and isn’t going to be in the tri.

This afternoon, she called me and asked if I would run some errands with her. While we were out, the guy from one of the car lots called and said he had a car that he thought might be what she’s looking for. We went and it was. It was a good car at a good price and she bought it. I was happy for her, but also nervous about what it implied for us. Now she won’t need rides anymore, and a lot of the times, that’s been why she calls.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Ceecee and I went trail running this morning and then to the gym. When we got in the car afterward, she asked me if there’s anything I want for my birthday. I’ve been thinking about this for a while. My birthday is August 9th and I decided that if she never brings it up, I won’t either. There is something I want, though.

It’s just that it’s something that implies that we will be together in the future, so when she asked just out of the blue, I almost chickened out. I didn’t, though. I took the risk and answered her truthfully. I told her that what I want is for her to shop for me and find a men’s fragrance that she really likes and buy it for me.

One reason is that she bought me a Mary Kay men’s fragrance years ago and we really liked it, but it disappeared during a move and we never replaced it with anything. The other, more important reason, is that I know that if she will take the time to do this, it will help create feelings. She’s been saying that she doesn’t have the feelings for me that she did before, and I’ve learned that feelings follow actions, not vice-versa.

Anyway, she didn’t really say anything when I told her what I wanted. Not that she would or that she wouldn’t. I hope she does, because the idea is that she would be the one I would be with when I wear it.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Went to GNC last night and bought some supplements. Then I had a brilliant idea. Back when we used to live in Dodge City, there were a couple of things we really loved that you can only get in the Mexican stores. One is a cake called tres leches and the other are these marinated steaks. I decided to get them for Ceecee and bring some back as a surprise. The Mexican bakery was out. but I got them to agree to come in early in the morning and make one just for me to take back to Missouri!

This morning, I went and picked up the cake and stopped at a grocery store for some dry ice. I had the steaks and some Mexican candy also. When I got to Ceecee’s loft, she didn’t have the reaction I hoped for. She said I shouldn’t be so nice to her and that she doesn’t deserve it. I told her nonsense and that I did it just because I wanted to. We’re supposed to go out tonight, so hopefully it will be a good night.

Monday, July 19, 2010

My daughter from western Kansas is here visiting. We haven’t gotten to spend much time together in the last several years, and this is really weird that she’s here right now while I’m trying to pursue Ceecee, but I need to focus on her some also. God told me to work things out with her, so I’m going to have to balance time with her and trying to fix my marriage.

We’re still having the heat wave, so triathlon training and helping Taylor get ready for the air force have been really tough. I take him out running and he’s been going to the gym with one of his friends. I’ve got a bike session with my group tonight and I’m not looking forward to it.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

It’s been kind of awkward since Thursday. We talked on the phone later and she said she felt like a piece of trash because we weren’t actually together when we did what we did. I told her that we were still married even though we weren’t living together and that I thought it was entirely appropriate and that God was delighted that we did it.

She has been a little distant, though. I dont’ know if it scared her, or what. It seems like now she’s going out of her way to make sure she communicates that nothing has changed and we’re still separated. I get that, but I think it did mean something.

This morning, she ran in a 5K called “Girls Just Wanna Run” that’s sponsored by our fitness center. It was crazy hot and humid and most of the times weren’t very good. I volunteered as a traffic director out on the course and Ceecee gave me a high five as she came by. It was pretty great.

Then, afterwards, she went to talk to one of the instructors about a zumba class and when he asked if I was her husband, she hesitated for way too long before saying yes. Even so, I was glad to be there with her and for her, but it reminded me of how precarious our situation still is. It’s really agonizing to have all this love that I so desperately want to give her, but she so seldom receives any of it.

Afterward, we went to a couple of used car lots so she could look at cars. She asked me to and, of course, I said I would. We didn’t find anything and it seems that most of the payments are going to be too high for her, so she was pretty discouraged.

We also went into the CARE shelter where they rescue dogs and cats for adoption. She wanted to look at dogs and said if she can just pet them, then it helps her not to want one. Naturally, she found one she wanted and I have to admit, that little dog could steal your heart. I’m really against getting any pets, especially while living in a loft apartment and being gone so much, but that was maybe the only dog that I can imagine actually keeping. Plus, I would do just about anything for my wife right now to make her happy and show her that I care more about her than about myself.

She’s supposed to be having a girl’s night tonight. I wish I was going to be with her, but she needs to have friends and it will be good for her to do something just for fun.