Thursday, May 6, 2010
This walking to the farmer’s market and talking about our marriage thing is really weird. During all the rest of the week, she won’t talk about it at all, and I know better than to push. It will just start a fight and make things worse, so I just kind of go along with whatever is happening throughout the days and hope things will get better. I keep thinking that any day now, she’ll say she’s sorry for the way she’s been acting and this will all go away.
Tonight, she indicated that she’s not sure she loves me anymore – no surprise there – and went on to say a bunch of stuff that sounded crazy to me. She said she doesn’t know who she is anymore and that she needs to find out what she likes and what she wants. She said she needs time and that if she can have the time to figure all this out that she might be able to choose me again. Then she asked if that made sense. I told her “not a bit, but I respect you and if that’s the way you really feel, I don’t understand it, but I’ll respect it.”
I wanted to scream at her, “You’ve already chosen me. You’re married, remember,” but I knew that wouldn’t help anything, so I mostly kept my mouth shut. How can she say these things? You don’t marry someone, raise kids together and then change your mind. Yes, I was unfaithful, but that was over a year ago. How can this be happening now? And why?
The Restoration Tour 