Posts Tagged ‘restoration’

A Fair Question: Why Would God care?

Posted: August 28, 2011 in Love and Marriage
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Throughout this blog, I have attempted, as honestly and truthfully as possible, to tell the story of how my marriage reached its apparent end and was then restored.  I have made many claims about God and His help throughout and now I would like to attempt to answer the question, “Why would God care?”  It’s a fair question, and one that deserves an answer.

After all, if God is the all-powerful, all-knowing deity that we think Him to be, why should He turn His attention to the marriage of two totally obscure individuals and work in miraculous fashion to save and heal their marriage?  It’s too much of a pat answer to say “It’s because He loves us.”  He does, but let’s get real here.  People are dying of hunger and disease all over the world today and everyday.  Dictators still deny entire people groups their human rights and natural disasters wreak death and destruction on a grand scale on a regular basis.

God would seem to have a lot on his plate, and if Ceecee and I had divorced, only a handful of people would have been directly affected, so what are we to conclude here?  First of all, it’s not my place to attempt to speak for how God does or doesn’t respond to all the evil in this world.  I don’t know why some prayers get answered and some don’t.  I do know that it would seem to many people that He could have been spending His time working on more important things than our marriage.

I would suggest, however, that taking such a position is to take a very narrow view of God.  If He is, in fact, all-powerful and all-knowing, then He can give His attention to as many things at a time as He needs to without losing sight of any of them.  He also has enough strength to deal with any and every problem that He chooses to with no possibility of over-extending Himself.  In other words, saving my marriage and changing my life didn’t take Him away from anything else that He needed to be doing.

Now, let’s cut to the chase and talk about God’s plan.  His plan, from before the foundation of the earth, was to reveal Himself through mankind, who He created in His own image.  Even at the time of the fall of man in the Garden of Eden, He had a plan to restore all things.  He knew, even then, that His son, Jesus Christ, would one day come to earth to die on a cross for the sins of all mankind.  And He knew that one day, at the end of time, a great celebration would take place which the Bible calls “the marriage supper of the lamb,” or, in another translation, “the banquet at the wedding celebration of the Lamb.”

What God wants and what we imagine He should be concerned about are often two very different things.  God sent his His son into the world to save and redeem people who were cut off from, and separated from His love.  His primary concern is the condition of people’s eternal souls, and His primary work on earth is now being accomplished by people through whom He is attempting to reveal Himself.  He uses people to show His love and plan, so that others can come to Him and receive His love and forgiveness.

In chapter 5 of the book of Ephesians, there is a little understood verse that speaks right to the heart of not only this post, but this entire blog.  In the context, it is talking about how husbands and wives should treat each other, and the statement is made that they should love each other the same way that Christ loves.  Just as the writer is concluding these thoughts, he writes, “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” (verse 32)  Right in the context of talking about marriage and husbands and wives, he says he is really talking about Christ and the church.

Why does God care enough about my marriage to intervene in mighty ways when I called on Him in my time of need?  Because marriage was His plan, not mine.  God thought up the idea of love and marriage and happily ever after, not people.  God wants marriages between husbands and wives who truly love each other to show the world not only what real love is from a human perspective, but to show the world what kind of love He wants to share with the people He created and loves so deeply.  He wants people to see that true love never fails and that He will never abandon, forsake, or reject those He loves.

Moonlight Restoration

Posted: August 21, 2011 in Love and Marriage
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Just because a calendar year went by doesn’t mean that everything that was ever to be completed as part of the restoration tour came to pass.  Like it is with a house, you’re never actually finished restoring it, because there will always be more that needs to be done.  You will always find things that you overlooked or that need your attention from time to time.  So it was yesterday.

Last night was the annual Moonlight Ride, a bike ride for Springfield’s Discovery Center.  Last August, it was the first organized ride that my wife and I had ever been in.  We had only started cycling in May of that year, when I got Ceecee her first road bike for her birthday.  The moonlight ride is a seven mile untimed ride that has groupings for advanced riders, leisure riders, and families with small children.  As beginners, we thought it would be fun to participate in something that wouldn’t be intimidating.

Unfortunately, earlier in the day of last year’s ride, we hit one of those bumps in the road that came with the early days of being back together.  We had been living together again for almost three weeks and we were very happy to be restoring our marriage, but we were still dealing with a lot of the junk that went along with having previously split up.  On this particular day, we had met for lunch at the mall (we were both still working our second jobs – Ceecee at Dillards and me at Macy’s) and the conversation had gone down a painful road.  We were both upset as we went back to work and it seemed that the ride wasn’t going to happen for us that evening.

She got off work earlier than I did, and when I called her, she was still angry about the way I had spoken to her and the things I had said at lunch.  I’m not sure how it ended up working out, but by the time I was off work, she had bought me a new headlight for my bike and gone and registered both of us for the ride.  All I had to do was change my clothes and grab my bike.  I was relieved and grateful, and we really enjoyed the ride.

Yesterday morning, as we were out running errands and I was thinking about the evening’s ride, I remembered all this.  Yes, August 6th came and went, and yes, the restoration tour concluded on that day as scheduled.  Beyond that, I saw an opportunity to add another to the list of restored memories.  Will there be more?  Maybe.  Will we ever stop working hard at love to make sure we never reach a place like that again?  Not as long as I live and breathe!

A Grand Re-Opening Of Sorts

Posted: August 7, 2011 in Love and Marriage
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Waking up this morning after having our “wedding” last night was actually a bit bizarre.  Not in a bad way.  As the fog of sleep began to wear away, and thoughts began to emerge, I felt a deep sense of joy and contentment.  It was just weird to be waking up in our own house in our own bed like any normal day.

Of course, we already took the honeymoon last week, so here we are, with everything new, and everything the same as well.  It feels wonderful, and there’s definitely a tingle in the air, but not having anywhere to go, or anything specific that comes next is a little bit strange after a year of being so focused on this.

Please don’t get me wrong.  We had a wonderful week at Big Cedar, and our vow renewal ceremony was joyous and fun and everything we dreamed of.  The last 6 days have been some of the most amazing and fulfilling I’ve ever experienced.

The heat wave kept us either in our room (which is an extremely nice place to be kept, thank you very much), or at the pools and lazy river for most of our honeymoon.  Triple digit temperatures and Missouri humidity don’t exactly encourage outside activity, but fortunately, there’s plenty of water to get into at the resort, and we did.  We got much more sun-tanned there in 5 days than we did during a week in California.

Yesterday morning, we were up at 4:30 AM for the Tour de Cox, an annual 62 mile (100km) bike ride.  The clouds kept the temperature reasonable, and we really enjoyed the ride.  We finished up a little before noon after getting started about 6, so we had a few hours to rest and recover before the ceremony.  Out of town company was arriving throughout the day, and most of the afternoon was a blur.

My wife wore her orange “poofy” dress (no other way to describe it) with lots of fun pink and orange accessories, and I dressed as the Mad Hatter.  We ordered the actual hat online, but nothing else was authentic.  It was a Mad Hatter/Alice in Wonderland theme, but we did it in our own unique way.

Late in the afternoon, we took casual pictures in the park, then had the reception before the ceremony as the guests began to arrive.  It was meant to keep it from having a stuffy, formal, traditional wedding feel and allow everyone to relax, loosen up, and enjoy themselves.  Interestingly enough, there had been a wedding at the same park earlier in the day, and it seemed that it had been very formal and probably quite expensive.  While I certainly wish that couple well, we had several people tell us that ours was the best and most fun wedding they had ever gone to.

For the ceremony itself, we simply had a few songs played that were meaningful to us (we tried to dance, but couldn’t manage to keep from stepping all over my wife’s dress, so we had to cut that mercifully short), had three people (our oldest daughter and two close friends) say a few words, and then we stood and said our vows, which we wrote ourselves, to each other.

Oh….yeah…. and then I did the futterwacken dance from the new Tim Burton Alice In Wonderland movie, much to everyone’s shock and delight!  My wife said some special “thank you’s” and handed out roses to some of the guests and then we hung around with everyone for a little while.  It was pretty much perfect, and it was so amazing to have envisioned this day a year before and then see it come to pass.

I have a few surprises left for the blog, so if you are thinking this is the last entry, you’re not quite correct.  The main one is that we’ve decided to drop the anonymity and some of the secrecy now that the ceremony is over.  I am going to go back through the posts and add some pictures and reveal some more of who we really are that has been missing up to now.  I also have some other thoughts, but you’ll have to wait and see on those…  For now, thank you so much for reading and sharing – it means more than you know!

To Love and To Cherish ‘Til Death Do Us Part

Posted: August 5, 2011 in Love and Marriage
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Really, I don’t know what more there is to say about this one beyond what it already says.  I mean, do it.  Love and cherish your spouse all the while you have breath.  I didn’t and I lost it all.  I started doing it, and I got it all back and gained more than I’d ever had before.

Now, here’s the key.  You don’t love and cherish on your terms.  You have to be willing to find out how he or she wants and needs to be loved, and what will make him or her FEEL cherished.  It’s not nearly enough to say to yourself, “He knows,” or “She knows how I feel about her.”  She doesn’t.  You have to tell her and show her over and over again.  If you love the person you’re married to, you need to express that love in tangible ways.  He won’t know that you cherish him unless you show it by your actions.

The truth is, this vow really means, “I will never take you for granted.”  That is the opposite of cherishing.  Your spouse needs to be the most important and most special person in your life, and if that isn’t the case, you need to change and make it so.  It’s that simple.

Finally, it’s for life.  Not just during the courtship.  Not until you have him/her.  Not until after the honeymoon.  Not until the newness wears off.  Not as long as it’s making you happy.  Till death.  That means forever.

Tomorrow is our vow renewal ceremony and I probably won’t blog tomorrow.  The three months is up and the restoration is finished.  I won’t just leave you like this, though.  I will come back and let you know how it went.  After that, who knows.  Thank you for taking this journey with me, and I hope that it serves as an inspiration to many people and couples.  What would mean the very most to me would be to find out that through this blog, a marriage was saved or healed.  May God bless all who read the words of this story.

Honeymoon Week Is Here!

Posted: August 1, 2011 in Love and Marriage
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In many ways, this entire last year has been a honeymoon of sorts, but as we get ready to leave for our actual second honeymoon, Let me give you a quick blurb on what to expect from the blog this week.

In terms of the restoration of our marriage, the work is all but done.  The rest is just details, as they say.  We spend five days at Big Cedar Lodge, then come back to ride the Tour de Cox and hold our vow renewal ceremony.  Then we live happily ever after.  The end.

Which brings me to the purpose of this post.  This week, I am certainly not going to bring you a play-by-play account of what is going on at the lodge, and I don’t plan on spending a lot of time blogging.  Instead, I have prepared a series of short posts related to the traditional wedding vows.

I will post the first one a little later today, and then another each day this week. Nothing earth shattering, just some general thoughts meant to challenge and inspire.

Taking The Tour To Big Cedar Lodge

Posted: July 31, 2011 in Love and Marriage
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365 days have passed since “the phone call” that changed everything and brought me back to my wife.  We now have just two final stops on the restoration tour.  Dreams do come true, and all things truly are possible to those who not only believe, but are willing to fight for what they believe in.

This year of restoration was all about healing and rebuilding.  It was a year of both of us saying up front, “I choose to forgive, and with God’s help, to forget.”  Either way, it was a choice that each of us made – to love unconditionally, even when it hurt – and with no guarantees of what the future would hold.  Love is always a choice, and if it really is love, it will stand through every test.

I can’t really imagine anything more appropriate than the fact that tomorrow, my wife and I will leave for Big Cedar Lodge for a second honeymoon.  We will be there during the exact period of time that I was moving back in and we were trying to figure out where we stood and what we were supposed to do last Summer.  At that time, both of us were wounded, fearful, and broken, but willing to take the chance that love really could not only save the day, but the rest of our lives.

That week, we tiptoed around and worried about all the unknowns, before ultimately talking everything through and beginning what has become known as the restoration tour.  This year, we will spend the week celebrating our reclaimed love, the healing of our hearts and minds, and everything that has become new and better in our marriage.  Yes, we are taking the honeymoon before the wedding, so to speak, but since we are already married, I don’t see a problem with that arrangement.

Big Cedar Lodge is a world-class resort near Branson, Missouri, where my wife used to work.  While in culinary school, she was hired to cook at one of their restaurants.  Eventually, she transferred to the bakery to pursue her real love, pastries.  She worked insane hours then, sometimes having to leave for work at 1:30AM and never really knowing when her shift might end.

In the winter, because of the remote location and the terrain, the employees sometimes got snowed in and had to stay overnight in one of the rooms.  During the terrible ice storm that we experienced while she was working there, there was a night when I thought perhaps I had lost her, even though this was long before she actually did leave me.

We had been without electricity for weeks and times were extremely difficult.  One night, my wife never called or came home.  Because of the road conditions, there was no way for me to go looking for her, and the highway patrol had no information, so I had to assume that she was ok, but not calling for whatever reason.  I figured that she was tired of living the way we had been and maybe some wealthy person at the resort had offered her an escape from it all.

I wouldn’t have blamed her had that been the case.  I wasn’t treating her right at the time, but she has far too much character to have done something like that.  The truth was, she had worked long past quitting time and then been sent to a room that was already occupied by other women who were also being made to stay.  There was no cell service and the room’s phone was unavailable, and she fell asleep without having the opportunity to call.

We went to Big Cedar as guests on two occasions once she was no longer employed there.  Both times, they were supposed to be really great, but didn’t quite turn out the way I hoped.  The first was over Mother’s Day and my wife’s birthday, and we got a two bedroom suite so that the kids could come.  We had fun, but there was also an edginess that betrayed the truth about where our relationship stood.

The second time, it was just the two of us, and it was supposed to be a very romantic getaway.  We brought lots of old musicals to watch and we actually got snowed in while we were there.  The rooms have kitchens and we cooked some great meals and watched the dvd’s while the snow piled up outside, but there was something missing between us.  We just didn’t have the closeness that two people who love each other should.

This time, it will be different.  This time, our dreams are all coming true, and when we return, we will say our new vows and rejoice with family and friends as the restoration tour arrives at its final destination.

Wonderland Is Just A Week Away

Posted: July 30, 2011 in Love and Marriage
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Today I am simply in awe, and marveling at what God has done in our marriage.  To use a worn out cliché, “What a difference a year makes!”  Even as I sit here typing, with my wife curled up on the couch across the room, I understand what a miracle this is.  There are things I haven’t shared in this blog, either because they are outside the scope of what I am trying to do here, or too private and personal to put on the web for all to read, but I know in the deepest part of my heart that this is a gift I will never take for granted.

Today we ran some errands to try to find some last-minute things for our ceremony, which is now only a week away.  Next Saturday, we will renew our vows in a way that will probably only make sense to us, but this is our marriage, and we are the only ones who will ever really know what it means.  To paraphrase Alice in the new Disney version of Alice in Wonderland, “This is our path, and we will decide where it goes.”

The path that we often take while running or cycling is called the South Creek Trail, and it passes through a place called Nathaniel Greene Park.  It’s a very beautiful park and it has become quite meaningful to us, since fitness was one of the only things that we shared during our separation. It has continued to be a place we often find ourselves, and it is the site we chose for our renewal ceremony.

On the back side of the man-made lake, there are a series of playgrounds/picnic areas, and one of them has a cement table and chairs that are painted to look like colorful mushrooms.  We were playing there one day (yes, after our runs/rides, we sometimes play on the playgrounds) and the inspiration hit us.  It was as if we were sitting in wonderland.  My wife had already bought a huge, sparkly, orange dress to wear just for the fun of it, and there the idea of using the Mad Hatter’s tea party as the theme for our ceremony was birthed.

You see, this is not going to be a wedding.  This is going to be a celebration.  No one will give away the bride, and no minister will need to sign a marriage license, because we are already married.  We will say vows, which we are writing ourselves, and people will speak, but they will be a few people who were close enough to the situation to know and appreciate what this means.  We have also chosen a few songs that became important and meaningful to us during this year of restoration.

So there will be wedding-like elements, but without the tradition and formality of a wedding.  The people who speak will be people who stood firm with us when all seemed lost.  The songs that are played will be songs whose lyrics touch the heart of who we are and where we’ve been.  And the vows are necessary to replace the ones we have broken.

Mostly it is to be a party to celebrate our love with the people who are closest to us and understand how much this means.  Likewise, it is to be the culminating event of the restoration tour.  The entire past year has been leading to this.  All of the places we’ve been, the things we’ve shared and worked through, the tears we’ve cried, and the joys we’ve discovered will come together, and we will demonstrate, before God and those who gather to witness, that we choose each another again, both now and for always.

Checking The Details As The Restoration Nears Completion

Posted: July 29, 2011 in Love and Marriage
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So I guess it’s time to take a walk-through of the restoration project.  We’ve reached the point where the “house” is almost finished, and there isn’t much left to do except double-check everything to make sure we haven’t missed anything and that all is complete and in good working order.  Before we put the finishing touches on it and consider it good, let’s see what we have.

We started in the Spring of 2010, where we found a once proud and beautiful home completely run down by years of neglect.  The wife was figuring out how to get out, while the husband was figuring out how to get to work.  We started with the broken wedding ring and began fixing and repairing from there.  The above mentioned husband (yours truly) continued to build love where it had fallen down and build himself up so that he was fit for the task.  That allowed him to begin to build his damaged wife back up, so that they together could eventually rebuild the proverbial house known as their relationship.

Just like there is a lot of ripping out of damaged wood, tearing off of old roofing materials, scraping paint, and sanding floors, so there were a lot of things that had to go from our marriage, and much of it was painful.  The “making new” process involves removing the old, and no matter how difficult or unpleasant, it must be done if the final product is going to actually be better than the old one, as opposed to only looking better.  Covering up the problems would never have saved or restored our marriage.

Just like that wedding ring, our new “house” is much stronger than the old one.  In California, where we recently spent some time, we found out that when older buildings change hands, they have to be retrofitted with building materials and techniques to help them withstand earthquakes.  These aren’t necessarily visible in the final product, nor do they inherently make the structure more aesthetically pleasing, but when destructive forces come against those structures, they have a far greater likelihood of remaining standing.  In some ways, I’m sure our marriage doesn’t look as bright and new as it did in 1996, but now it’s prepared to last for the long haul, no matter what the future may bring.

Exactly one year ago today, the final phase of tearing down and destroying the old was taking place.  As soon as that was done, the day forever known as “the phone call” ushered in the phase of building together.  Instead of me doing the restorative work alone for the purpose of saving the marriage, my wife and I began to restore our marriage together.  About a week into that process, the concept of the restoration tour was conceived and is now nearly complete.

Our lives, both together and as individuals, have been overhauled and now we have a newly restored marriage built on the basis of the original one.  It’s the same foundation, but nearly everything from the ground up has been redone to be better and stronger.  We’ve taken a year to focus, very intentionally, on that single purpose, with this blog serving as a type of documentation of the journey.

Some of the smaller, subtle changes don’t rate an entire blog entry, but are very significant to us nonetheless.  One of the early ones was when my wife began changing her logins on some of her online activity to reflect her new feelings about out marriage.  We also began using new nicknames and endearments for each other.  These just happened naturally, which was much more meaningful than if they had been something forced.

We’ve also become much more protective of each other.  One morning we were riding our bikes and an approaching car got too near my wife.  I yelled at the driver and my wife had never heard that type of fierce tone to my voice before.  She said it was kind of nice to know that I was that determined to protect her.  When we went to my daughter’s graduation, there was a moment where someone approached me while I was upset, and my wife spoke out that I needed a minute and she told the person to back off.  With all we’ve been through, and knowing what it means to have temporarily lost each other, we both have a fierce determination that no one and nothing is going to get too near us if it’s not good for us.

Moving Into “Our” Home – A Different Kind of Restoration

Posted: July 28, 2011 in Love and Marriage
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So, it happened… our California trip got too busy and I missed a couple of days of blogging.  I knew it was a possibility, but now we’re home again and about to finish up with the restoration tour.  We have one more major tour stop and that will take place next week.

It seems like the past year has gone by both really quickly and really slowly at the same time.  When I realize that the year of restoration is almost up, I can hardly believe it.  It seems like only yesterday that I was moving back in and we were putting the pieces of our lives back together.  At the same time, it seems like some of this happened so long ago that it just blends in with all the rest of our past that we share.

So much has changed and so much has remained the same.  The changes have been good and so very necessary.  They haven’t been changes for the sake of change, but they have severed the very roots of some deep-seated issues that we have battled, both as individuals and as a married couple, for much of our lives.  What has remained the same is the fact that we are still the same couple who married way back when, we still have the same memories and history from that marriage, and we are still creating the same legacy, although I believe it will now be even stronger than it would have been, had all of this not taken place.

The two days that we spent moving into our new loft were among the most blessed of all the restoration tour.  When my wife moved into the old loft, it began the most gut-wrenching, heart-tearing episode I’ve ever been through.  The restoration of that phase of our marriage meant as much to me as any part could have.  We had dreamed of having a loft apartment for years, but I never thought that we would end up with one the way that we did.

We spent quite a bit of time looking when we decided to move, and we considered numerous options.  When we walked through the one that is now ours, we both felt it, but it was my wife who leaned over and whispered, “I think this is the one.”  That was all I needed to hear and I told the agent we would take it.  Then, of course, there was the agonized waiting to see if we would be approved, but we were and we decided to move in early, since it was ready.

Our home

We reserved the moving truck, recruited people to help, and everything was all set.  The morning before, we went to a downtown breakfast cafe that we really enjoy and had a leisurely breakfast.  Then we went to the utility company to have the power switched over to the new place.  It sounds silly, but I can’t tell you what a joy it was, and how much it meant to my heart when we stood at the same counter where she had set up utilities only in her name less than a year before and I heard her say, “my husband” when the lady asked her if anyone else would be living at the new address.

We picked up the keys together and started taking some things over in the car that afternoon and evening.  We mainly wanted to get in and take some measurements and kind of get an idea of where things would go when we brought the furniture the next day. We also brought some of the very fragile things and items that might not do well in the moving  truck.

The next morning, we got the truck and did the main moving.  It went really quickly and we were pretty much done by lunch time.  My wife is amazing at unpacking and organizing, and she almost had everything put away where it belonged by the time the truck was empty.  She just stayed in the loft, told everyone where to put things as they came in the door, and started opening boxes and putting things up.

After it was all wrapped up and I had taken the truck back, I picked up a bottle of Champagne and some strawberries, the same things we had shared when she moved into the old loft.  This time, there was no hidden heartbreak underneath the smile, and no fear of what the future would look like.  Champagne has always been a celebratory drink, and we had so much to celebrate and be thankful for.

Love, Laughter, And Jet Lag

Posted: July 26, 2011 in Love and Marriage
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It’s been a very busy time in California, so the blog is coming in late again this evening.  After three days in wine country, we saw a Giants game in San Francisco, then went to Morro Bay to spend a few days with my brother and his family.  We visited San Luis Obispo, a beautiful town that was once reported in a study to have the happiest people in the country, and, of course, we spent time at the beach.

My wife is a very silly person, and we’ve had a lot more fun since getting back together than we ever used to.  Once I learned to stop trying to make her into what I thought she should be and just started accepting her and loving her for who she is, it was amazing how things changed.  During our separation, the first sign that things were really changing was when the laughter started coming back into our relationship.

We hadn’t really laughed together for a long time.  There were times when I wondered if I even remembered how.  In those months when I threw everything into loving her with all my being, the laughter returned.  There were times that we laughed so much, I couldn’t imagine how we had ever gotten so far off track.   I also couldn’t imagine how we could laugh like that and still not be back together, but my wife still had some things she needed to work through and she just wasn’t finished with that process yet.

Today, we spent the day at Yosemite National Park.  It was a place that she really wanted to go, and it meant a lot to experience it together.  It is so vast and breathtaking that we only saw a small part of it in the six hours or so we were there.  We ate a picnic lunch at the top of glacier peak, climbed up to one of the waterfalls amidst the spray, and explored some of what the park has to offer.  On the way back, we ate at a Mexican restaurant, then laughed and acted silly all the way back to Fresno, where my brother lives.

During this whole trip, we’ve spent a lot of time feeling the healing power of love and laughter.  We take silly pictures of each other, like the ones we took today with the huge stuffed bear in the park gift shop.  We joke about anything and everything while riding in the car.  There is a freedom that hasn’t always been there, and it brings us closer together when we play and laugh.

As tired as we’ve been from all the activity and the time change, we haven’t gotten grouchy or snapped at each other.  My body has been totally wiped out during a lot of this trip from all the sun and being on a completely different time schedule than usual, but my spirits have been bright because of all the fun we’ve had.  I still have a hard time letting go sometimes, but I see how much it brings my wife closer to me when I do.  Yes, Yakov Smirnoff, it’s true – where there is love, there is laughter, and where there is laughter, there is love.

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