Posts Tagged ‘broken marriage’

Day 85 and Counting…What Might Not Have Been

Posted: November 27, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Our oldest daughter’s best friend is visiting from Kansas and Ceecee took a day and went to Branson with them. They intended to go to silver Dollar City, but it was closed when they got there. I guess it’s only open limited hours this time of year.

Instead, they went to Branson Landing, shopped, ate, and took silly pictures. I can’t help but think about what might have been (I should say what might not have been) if we hadn’t gotten back together. This was Angie, the same daughter who was completely distraught when we were separated because she believed that we had a marriage that she wanted to pattern her own after and then was shattered when ours seemed to be ending.

Day 82 and Counting…Riding the Frisco Line

Posted: November 26, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Saturday, October 30, 2010

We decided to take a long ride on the same trail where Ceecee ran the half marathon this past Spring. That was the day my re-commitment to fitness began, and it was right at the time that our marriage as we knew it was coming to an end. I’ve never been more proud of my wife than I was that day. When she crossed the finish line, something changed inside me and I wanted to be a better man. It was too late for her at that time, but eventually we got to where we are now and I’m so thankful to be where we are.

Anyway, the Frisco Line trail is supposed to run 43 miles and it was built on an old railroad track that is no longer used. The trail head is about 7 miles from our loft, so the plan was to ride to the trail head and then go as far as we could, possibly all the way to the end of the trail. At the half marathon, they went about 6.5 miles out, turned around and came back.

What we discovered today is that it’s only paved for 8 miles and then it turns to gravel. Since we have road bikes, gravel wasn’t an option, so we did the only thing we could do. We turned around and headed back the way we came from. We had ridden 15 miles to get there, so even if we just went home, it would still be a decent ride.

There’s a little town called Willard that the trail cuts right through. On the way back, on a whim, we decided to pull into a little place called Coffee Guru and see what they had to offer. We didn’t have real high expectations and were blown away when we were served what I’d have to consider the best pumpkin spice latte I’ve ever had. It broke up the ride and it was just a fun little blessing on a beautiful day.

Day 77 and Counting… Back Home

Posted: November 20, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Monday, October 25, 2010

I had to ride my bike while Ceecee ran 12 miles this morning. I can’t run on my knee, but she’s still training for her marathon. It seems crazy now that when this all started, she was saying she was going to run a marathon to prove she isn’t old.

The game was fun yesterday. My team lost and hers won. We both cheered for our teams, but we almost wanted the other to win so that each other wouldn’t feel bad. What we have now is so good. I’ll take it over any football win anytime, anywhere.

We drove home through rain for most of the way, while listening to Jack Johnson on the CD player. The scenery was beautiful and we enjoyed every bit of it. Nine days of celebration surrounding an anniversary that almost wasn’t and now we’re back home.

Day 75 and Counting… A Beautiful Tennessee Fall Day

Posted: November 19, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Tennessee is so beautiful at this time of year. Ceecee and I brought our bikes and took a ride through the country near my in-laws’ house this morning. The scenery was spectacular and, at one point, we rode through a shower of leaves falling from the trees alongside the road. My knee can handle cycling, just not running at this point. When we get back to Springfield, I’ll have to find a doctor and find out what’s going on, but for now, I’m thankful to be able to ride.

We made our third visit this week to an Old Chicago restaurant today. They have a club called the World Beer Tour, and you get a card that keeps track of all your purchases. There are incentives and prizes you can win and they have what they call mini-tours throughout the year. Some are holiday themed, while others revolve around major events.

Currently, they are holding the Halloween mini-tour. Normally, we don’t spend this much money on beer, but you get a free t-shirt if you complete the tour and I really wanted the shirt. We only needed one more visit, and there was an Old Chicago just minutes from my in-laws” house, so we went for lunch today.

Now remember, we’re in Tennessee for a football game, and I’m a fan of the “other team,” so I got into talking smack with our waiter, who good-naturedly gave it right back. Our last beer to complete the tour was the “manager’s choice,” so we didn’t get to order it. We just had to take whatever it was. My wife got a really cool craft beer from New England, while I got something awful in a brown paper bag. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the manager’s, but rather our Tennessee Titans fan server’s choice. Ceecee and I laughed over me “taking one for the team” and drinking it anyway.

It’s so wonderful to have found this new peace and to have rediscovered the fun in our relationship. There were so many years of tension and never knowing when one of us was going to say or do the wrong thing and the downward spiral was going to start again. The laughter had been missing for so long. I clearly remember one day very shortly before we separated when my wife asked me if I was happy and I told her honestly that I was no longer sure I even understood the concept. Looking back, I understand why she came to believe that she needed to leave. Now, I can’t be more thankful that I not only have another chance, but that we’ve both been so transformed and that we can make our future so much different from our past.

Day 72 and Counting…A 14th Anniversary To Treasure!

Posted: November 15, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Wednesday, October 20

So today is our 14th anniversary and for most people, that’s not a significant one. For us, there has never been one more significant, nor will there probably ever be. Just three months ago, there was very little hope that this day would ever come. I had spent months desperately trying to repair the damage and win back the woman I loved, but who I had not known how to connect with in a meaningful way for at least a couple of years.

I’m at work and we don’t have any big plans for tonight. I ordered a pretty nice bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates to be delivered to Ceecee at work today. We’ll go out to eat tonight, but it will be pretty low-key. We went out Monday night, and last night Ceecee cooked me some of her lasagna which she only makes from scratch. We had a big time last weekend and we’re leaving for Tennessee Friday night and today just feels comfortable. There’s no pressure to make this one day any huge deal because we’ve been intentionally celebrating our love since last Friday evening.

Really, we’re just having fun. We are enjoying each other’s company and the simple joys of being in love. We each feel a deep sense of gratitude and appreciation for the fact that we’re together and we’re just kind of floating through these days. It’s like we’re under a spell and I’m sure not going to do anything to break it.

I did pull off a potentially huge surprise, though. My wife has been looking for a certain style of black onyx ring for at least two or three years now. She has talked about it and shown me different ones, but always said she hadn’t found the one she really wanted yet. Very soon after we got back together, she did find it. She came to see me at Macy’s in August and told me that they had the ring she’d been looking for downstairs in the jewelry department and that she had seen it on her way in to see me.

She told me how much it was and I pretty much acted like I wasn’t really listening to make her think there was no way she was actually getting it. In fact, I bought it the very next day and have had it hidden in a drawer at home ever since. It’s never come up again, but she’s getting it today and, as far as I know, she has absolutely no idea.

Day 67 and Counting… Anniversary Week Begins!

Posted: November 8, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Friday, October 15, 2010

Our actual anniversary isn’t until Wednesday, but as of 3:00 today when we left work, anniversary week has begun! We are going all out and this is going to actually be a nine day anniversary celebration, because this is the one that was never going to be until the miracle of our restoration began taking place. It’s really almost 10 days if you count tonight, which I am.

Tomorrow we leave for St. Louis and a week from Sunday, we’ll be coming back from Tennessee. We’ve had some Cat Stevens references going back and forth on Facebook between us today. Ceecee wrote, “The wild world sent me home…where I belong,” and “You found your hard headed woman.” I wrote back, “And I know the rest of my life will be blessed.” We are the only ones who truly know how much that exchange meant, but let’s just say it did my heart a lot of good. On the one hand, I don’t really like it when she plays “wild world” in the car, because I know it represented her leaving me to go see what was out there on the wild side, but on the other hand, that CD was a gift of love that I gave her and there are some other songs on it that have become meaningful to us.

Day 66 and Counting…Opposite Sides Of The Same Coin

Posted: November 6, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Got our costumes finished today for the Halloween 10K. Not everyone runs in costume, but a lot of people do and we wanted to come up with something that would be fun and also mean something.

We’ve been talking about it off and on for a while now, but it was my wife that came up with the idea that we ended up going with. One day, just out of nowhere, she said, “Why don’t we go as opposite sides of the same coin?” I immediately loved it, because that was the phrase that my friend Adam had used months ago to describe us

We were separated and Ceecee and I had gone to art walk with Adam joining as kind of a third wheel. When I talked to him on the phone soon after and asked him if he was confused about why Ceecee and I weren’t together, he had said, “You guys are one. You’re opposite sides of the same coin.” I had told Ceecee that he had said that, but of course, we weren’t together then, so she didn’t respond and I was very pleasantly surprised to realize now that she still remembered that and still thinks about it.

This is really what the restoration tour is all about. Revisiting the same literal, physical places where things happened while we were breaking apart, and also revisiting those memories, those words that were spoken, those actions that were done that hurt each other and that we would never do now that we are in love again.

So how are we going as opposite sides of the same coin, you may wonder?, We are wearing tight black running pants or shorts with long-sleeved black shirts. We made signs that go on our backs with black on white for one and white on black for the other that say “Opposite sides of” and “the same coin.” Then we used a projector at school to trace and draw the front and back of a Missouri quarter onto cardboard cut-outs painted silver.

Day 54 and Counting… New Stuff for Our Loft

Posted: October 31, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

We got a new dining table and chairs today at Dillard’s. Ceecee isn’t going to be working there much longer and we wanted to be able to use her employee discount. It’s a pub style table that’s square and sits high with a built in leaf that folds out from underneath. It’s really cool and will comfortably seat 8 without taking up a lot of room.

We’ve been making quite a few changes to the apartment. It’s mostly to help me deal with things. We’re really happy and I love our life, but I also struggle with living there. It’s hard on me mentally and emotionally to deal with the idea of us being separated and not knowing or wanting to know what may have happened there. Just changing some things helps because it makes me feel like it’s only ours and there aren’t any bad memories associated with new stuff.

Day 47 and Counting…Positive Changes

Posted: October 18, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Ceecee registered for her marathon today. She thanked me on Facebook, which I appreciated, but she’s done all the hard work. She’s consistently running over 20 miles now, which I can’t really do, so sometimes I bring my bike and ride while she runs.

Other than that, we’re just enjoying being married. Life is pretty wonderful right now, and we’re growing more confident and secure as the days go by. There’s a lingering fear that this is only temporary, and that things will eventually revert back to the way they used to be, but I keep pushing that down, and there’s no evidence of it.

Things are actually getting better all the time and they are so different than they used to be. Ceecee doesn’t have that anger anymore, and I really believe her when she tells me how much she loves me. That’s pretty significant, because I always felt somehow unlovable before. I don’t know if it was from too many failed relationships or what, but I always felt, deep down inside, that I was unworthy of love, and that it was only a matter of time before any given person would reject me.

Day 44 and Counting… Our First Musical and a Promise

Posted: October 16, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Sunday, September 19, 2010

My wife has always been interested in theater and musicals and such. I really haven’t been, but I want to support the things she likes, and one of the things about moving downtown is that there are several theaters right near our loft. They have been playing Cats at one of them and Ceecee really wanted to go. I decided to take her, but I procrastinated buying the tickets until today. There was only standing room left, which sucked, but it was either that or miss it, so I bought them.

On the way there, she stopped me on the sidewalk, kissed me, and said, “Let’s make a pact that we will never intentionally hurt each other again.” It was an amazing moment.

I thought Cats was pretty good, but Ceecee absolutely loved it. At one point, I looked over at her while she was watching and her face was absolutely shining. It made me so glad I had taken her and also makes me want to do more of this in the future if it makes her this happy.

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