Posts Tagged ‘gifts’

Thursday, October 21, 2010

It’s amazing to be this blessed. Ceecee loved the ring and the flowers and posted that it was the best anniversary ever. Not bad for a casual, low-key day. I asked her if she had any idea that she was getting the ring and she said that she hoped that she was and she hadn’t forgotten about it, but didn’t want to get her hopes up in case she wasn’t. It made me feel good to be the hero who came through and did the right thing and made her hopes come true.

Tonight is date night, and we leave for Tennessee tomorrow after work. I’m kind of shocked that Macy’s actually allowed me to take all this time off. Maybe they knew that I probably would have quit and taken the time anyway if they’d said no. they know I don’t really need this job, but it has been nice to have the extra money to be able to do all these things.


Wednesday, October 20

So today is our 14th anniversary and for most people, that’s not a significant one. For us, there has never been one more significant, nor will there probably ever be. Just three months ago, there was very little hope that this day would ever come. I had spent months desperately trying to repair the damage and win back the woman I loved, but who I had not known how to connect with in a meaningful way for at least a couple of years.

I’m at work and we don’t have any big plans for tonight. I ordered a pretty nice bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates to be delivered to Ceecee at work today. We’ll go out to eat tonight, but it will be pretty low-key. We went out Monday night, and last night Ceecee cooked me some of her lasagna which she only makes from scratch. We had a big time last weekend and we’re leaving for Tennessee Friday night and today just feels comfortable. There’s no pressure to make this one day any huge deal because we’ve been intentionally celebrating our love since last Friday evening.

Really, we’re just having fun. We are enjoying each other’s company and the simple joys of being in love. We each feel a deep sense of gratitude and appreciation for the fact that we’re together and we’re just kind of floating through these days. It’s like we’re under a spell and I’m sure not going to do anything to break it.

I did pull off a potentially huge surprise, though. My wife has been looking for a certain style of black onyx ring for at least two or three years now. She has talked about it and shown me different ones, but always said she hadn’t found the one she really wanted yet. Very soon after we got back together, she did find it. She came to see me at Macy’s in August and told me that they had the ring she’d been looking for downstairs in the jewelry department and that she had seen it on her way in to see me.

She told me how much it was and I pretty much acted like I wasn’t really listening to make her think there was no way she was actually getting it. In fact, I bought it the very next day and have had it hidden in a drawer at home ever since. It’s never come up again, but she’s getting it today and, as far as I know, she has absolutely no idea.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Our actual anniversary isn’t until Wednesday, but as of 3:00 today when we left work, anniversary week has begun! We are going all out and this is going to actually be a nine day anniversary celebration, because this is the one that was never going to be until the miracle of our restoration began taking place. It’s really almost 10 days if you count tonight, which I am.

Tomorrow we leave for St. Louis and a week from Sunday, we’ll be coming back from Tennessee. We’ve had some Cat Stevens references going back and forth on Facebook between us today. Ceecee wrote, “The wild world sent me home…where I belong,” and “You found your hard headed woman.” I wrote back, “And I know the rest of my life will be blessed.” We are the only ones who truly know how much that exchange meant, but let’s just say it did my heart a lot of good. On the one hand, I don’t really like it when she plays “wild world” in the car, because I know it represented her leaving me to go see what was out there on the wild side, but on the other hand, that CD was a gift of love that I gave her and there are some other songs on it that have become meaningful to us.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

I took my wedding ring in to the same jeweler that fixed Ceecee’s before we separated. Mine has been through a lot, and it’s developed a small crack on the bottom and is somewhat out of round.

He said that it wasn’t made very well and simply doesn’t have enough gold in it to repair the crack. He said he would need to add more gold to it and then it could be made stronger. I agreed, but told him I didn’t like the thought of being without my ring while the work was being done. I asked him if there was any chance that he had a plain wedding band that I could use as a loaner, so my finger wouldn’t be “naked.”

He didn’t, but he took a piece of white gold and went in the back and I could hear him tinkering around. When he came back out, he had actually made me a plain band to wear. He said he understood and that I could keep it.

I got a chance to share some of our story with him and he loved it. I hope that Ceecee will come with me when the ring is ready, because I’d really like to be able introduce her to him.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Best birthday ever. By far. Don‘t know what else to say. I got the fragrance like I asked for (and it came with a cool gym bag), but Ceecee’s love and our new marriage is by far the best gift.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Ceecee and I went trail running this morning and then to the gym. When we got in the car afterward, she asked me if there’s anything I want for my birthday. I’ve been thinking about this for a while. My birthday is August 9th and I decided that if she never brings it up, I won’t either. There is something I want, though.

It’s just that it’s something that implies that we will be together in the future, so when she asked just out of the blue, I almost chickened out. I didn’t, though. I took the risk and answered her truthfully. I told her that what I want is for her to shop for me and find a men’s fragrance that she really likes and buy it for me.

One reason is that she bought me a Mary Kay men’s fragrance years ago and we really liked it, but it disappeared during a move and we never replaced it with anything. The other, more important reason, is that I know that if she will take the time to do this, it will help create feelings. She’s been saying that she doesn’t have the feelings for me that she did before, and I’ve learned that feelings follow actions, not vice-versa.

Anyway, she didn’t really say anything when I told her what I wanted. Not that she would or that she wouldn’t. I hope she does, because the idea is that she would be the one I would be with when I wear it.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

If it wasn’t so pathetic, I’d have thought it was funny this morning. Ceecee called, which totally shocked me. She asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with her and take her to work. Of course I said yes. We didn’t really talk at all, so after I dropped her off at Dillard’s, I was pretty much a wreck.

I went up to two thrift stores on the north side looking for clothes for Macy’s. They have an all black dress code and I don’t have any black clothes to wear to work, so I’ve been hitting the second hand stores. Well, today I was a mess and the lady at one of the stores thought I was homeless. She asked me if I was staying anywhere and if I had a voucher.

I guess it is pretty funny, but it didn’t seem like it at the time. I told Joe on the phone and he didn’t really laugh. I don’t know if he didn’t get it or if he’s just worried about me. He said something on the phone though, that went deep into my spirit. He said “You are exactly what she needs.”

The best part about taking Ceecee to work is that I get to also pick her up afterward. I’m going to surprise her with Chinese take out, but with no expectations. Whatever happens happens. She’s been talking the last few days about maybe not going back to work at the junior high and just staying at Dillard’s. She’s really stressed out about hours.

I can’t really imagine what it will be like if school starts and we’re not together, especially if she does stay working there. I told her that I want her to still work there and that even if we’re not together that I’ll pick her up every morning and take her.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

One of my friends picked me up last night and took me out for some beers and wii bowling. It helped get my mind off things for a few hours.

Yesterday afternoon, I got out my Bible and began writing out every verse I could find about love and marriage. Then I just started saying them out loud. I also realize that evil is working in this situation and that I need to fight for Ceecee. She probably doesn’t even realize what’s happening, but she is in spiritual darkness and is blind to the fact that she’s being led astray.

I can’t let the things she said yesterday affect me. I have to stick to the plan, which is to love her and show her how much I care. I’ve realized that I can’t change her. I can only change myself and pray to set her free from the things that are holding her back.

This morning I was at the gym and listening to worship music while I was on the treadmill. I was thinking about how much I wished I could go to another church that had really dynamic music where I could just get lost in worship and not worry about people looking at me and knowing what was going on. It was crazy, but my friend Adam called me up out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to go to North Point with him this Sunday. I told him that I did. That was God answering a prayer before I even prayed it!

Today, I emailed Ceecee a comic from “Love is…” that showed a guy playing a guitar for the girl and the caption said, “When he changes his tune.” Then I went to the pharmacy and bought her a care package of vitamins, sports creams (she has some shin splints and muscle soreness that’s affecting her running), a new heating pad and things like that.

She likes receiving gifts. That’s her love language from the book, “The Five Love Languages.” My selfishness has been part of the problem in our marriage, so I want to show her that things are going to be different.

I told her I wanted to stop by and bring her something and she said I could, so I just came to her loft, gave her the care package and told her it was just because I just wanted her to have it. I didn’t try to talk about the other morning or ask her for anything. I just gave it to her, told her I cared about her, and went on my way. I think it surprised her.

In the past, it wouldn’t have been like that. I would have obsessed over what she said and made it into a huge deal that just would have ended up making her feel guilty. I wanted her to see that I wasn’t there to get anything, but to give her something. It was really hard to just leave, but I felt like it was what I had to do.

Afterward, I met Angie at a deli in Republic to talk about what’s going on. She’s having a really hard time with all this because her real Dad abandoned her when she was little and I’ve been as much of a “real” Dad to her as a step-dad could probably be. I just wanted to bring her up to speed on things and also she if she had any insight.

Anyway, it turns it she was the one who signed me up for Mort Fertel’s emails. Apparently, after I called her crying that day and we both realized that this was really as serious as it is, she found a brochure with his website on it and signed me up. She and her husband had their premarital counseling through him and she still had a video series or something that they had bought. I told her how much it was helping and how it seemed like God Himself must have been the one sending them.

I also called a behavioral health center and talked to them about me going in for some counseling. I told them that my marriage was failing, but I think I may be experiencing some PTSD symptoms going back to the tornado of March 12, 2006. Our house outside of Republic was destroyed by a tornado that went through the house while we were in it. It was a Sunday night and we had already gone to bed when I woke up and immediately knew that a tornado was about to hit our house. We didn’t have a basement, so we called the kids and crawled into the hallway, where we laid on the floor while the house was pretty much ripped apart.

I never understood it, but things were never the same after that. I was never the same. Some friends of ours thought we might have PTSD and recommended that we go for counseling, but we never did. Now, I can’t help but wonder how much that event changed me and if that’s really when I started my losing my dear wife. Anyway, I made an appointment for myself and we’ll see what happens.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Silver Dollar City was great today! Ceecee let me spoil her a little bit. I bought her this huge balloon that she carried all over and I took a bunch of pictures of her. We played around and went on a bunch of rides. It really felt pretty casual and then we stopped for food on the way home and she wanted me to watch a movie at the loft and stay with her overnight again. I’ve been staying almost every night on the weekends!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Yesterday, I wrote a long letter where I poured my heart out to Ceecee. I told her how sorry I was and how I realized how much I had hurt her and let her down. I talked about our love and how, just like her ring, it has been damaged, but it can be stronger than ever and no less beautiful. I put it on her pillow with her ring and just let her find it.

She read the letter and didn’t have any reaction at all. None. I mean, she didn’t do or say anything. I can’t believe it. I knew that her heart was hardened to me, but not this much. I thought for sure she would melt and things would change. I’ve always been able to give her really great gifts and come up with really big surprises. That’s just been part of our marriage.

We had lunch together at the mall today while she was on her break from Dillard’s. Tomorrow she gets the keys to her loft and life as I’ve known it will be over. She’s really stressed and I keep trying to tell her it doesn’t have to be like this, but it doesn’t do any good. In fact, the more I say those kinds of things, the more insistent she becomes that she has to go through with this.

She doesn’t have a car (we only have one and I’m keeping it because I’ll still be living in Republic with Taylor and she’ll be downtown). She plans on using her bike and the bus for transportation, but her bike hasn’t come in yet. The order got messed up because they didn’t know what color she wanted, so she’s been waiting all this time. It’s supposed to be in tomorrow.