Posts Tagged ‘Hope’

Friday, May 28, 2010

Taking a break from all the running and working out and Ceecee and I went to Silver Dollar City again. We really had fun. She let me buy her this really big balloon with other balloons inside of it and we had a super day. The best we’ve had in a long time. We didn’t kiss or anything, but we held hands and went on a lot of rides and had a great time together.

Tonight we had a blast! I have a story for the Springfield Business Journal (a local paper I write for) where we have to try to pair wines with chocolate. It’s Askinosie chocolate, made here in Springfield, and it’s some of the best chocolate you could ever taste. I got some wineries to send me bottles that they think will go well with it and we invited two other couples to taste and make notes. Tomorrow we’re going to do it again with some other couples.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Ceecee took her bike out to the Wilson’s Creeek National Battlefield to get some riding experience. I guess it went pretty well. The road out there is pretty hilly, but she said she handled it ok.

I was in jury duty again. The trial finished up and we decided against the plaintiff. His lawyer was one of those ones that has the ads on tv, so it was pretty weird being in there watching all of it. I’m glad it’s over so I can take some time off.

This marriage stuff that this guy, Mort Fertel, is emailing me is pretty weird. He calls his program “marriage fitness,” which is interesting. He talks about why counseling doesn’t usually work and that you need to step away from your problems and focus on doing things that will change the dynamics of your relationship.

He gives really practical things that people can do, and he says you can “build” your marriage fitness like you can build muscle by working out. I’m trying to take some of the advice. I’m willing to do most anything right now just to get things back to going right.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Ceecee ran with her group again this morning and then we hurried off to The Hill in St. Louis. The weather was great and we ate outside at Milo’s, a bar and grill right in the heart of The Hill on Marconi St. They have bocce courts and there was a wedding party that was playing while we ate. It was both fun and funny to watch them in their tuxes and dresses out there playing bocce. Like before, while we were there, it almost seemed like our problems weren’t happening. Like we stepped away from our troubled reality and into a make-believe world where we were still Brian and Ceecee.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Pretty ironic ending to the day, the week, and the school year today. Two friends of ours got married tonight and we went to their wedding. We’ve known them for a long time and have seen them go through a lot of stuff with each other and with their ex’s. I couldn’t help thinking how nobody there had a clue what was going on with us and how shocked they would be if they knew. It kind of broke my heart to see them celebrating finally tying the knot, while ours was unravelling.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Today was the last full day of school for this year. We have a half day tomorrow, but it won’t amount to much. These last couple of months have really been tough because we work together at school. It’s not like we fight or say bad things to each other, but we always used to seem so close and people have always been used to us just being a great couple and they have to be able to tell that things are different.

Ceecee went to a thing for her Galloway group at the Starting Block tonight and got fitted for new running shoes. They do a video analysis of them running and then pick out shoes to match their style. I’ve never heard of the brand she got – Mizuno – but I was happy for her to see her excited.

Monday, May 17, 2010

It was really weird. Last night, right before I went to bed, I got an email that said, “Need help in your marriage?” I thought it was spam, so I ignored it. Today, I got curious and I went ahead and read it. It was from a guy named Mort Fertel, who apparently is some kind of marriage big shot. It said I visited his website and signed up for the free information – which I didn’t – but I went ahead and looked at what he had to say and it’s pretty interesting.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Things are not good. The weather had been rainy and dreary and we’re stuck inside and not really getting along. I kept trying to get Ceecee to tell me about St. Louis and she didn’t want to talk about it. Finally I asked her what her favorite part was and she said it was being alone in the room without me. I wanted to burst into tears, but I knew that would only make it worse so I just kind of sat there in shock. I mean, I understand that she says I’ve been smothering her and that she wants a break from what she feels has become a codependent relationship, but I can’t deal with this.

I went to pick up a movie from redbox this afternoon and when I got there, I just sat in my car in the parking lot and cried. I can’t believe any of this is happening and I can’t lose my wife. Finally I called Angie and told her what was going on. She was really upset and couldn’t understand it either. In a way it felt good to tell someone, but I hate that it hurts Angie also.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Ceecee was really angry and awful today, insisting that we weren’t celebrating her birthday and she didn’t want anything. She kept saying she wasn’t having a birthday and no one was to do anything for her. Of course I couldn’t let that stand, but it was really ugly for a while.

In the end, I took her to Old Chicago, one of our favorite restaurants, where Angie and Taylor were also showing up with a few small gifts. We ended up having fun, and after she loosened up, Ceecee let the waitress take some pictures of all of us with a digital camera. After we ate, instead of going home, I drove to the bike shop. I didn’t tell her anything, just drove there.

When she asked why we were there, I just told her she would see. She was so completely baffled when they wheeled the bike out, that she just said, “What is it?” I said, “It’s a road bike,” and she said, “but how?” I told her I would tell her later, when we weren’t in the store. I also got a bike rack to put on the back of the car, and one of the guys from the store came out and installed it for us.

That night on Facebook, she wrote, “Well, turning 39 wasn’t so bad and I had a nice birthday in spite of my protests. I’m so excited. I have my bike!” Surely everything will change now. She can’t stay mad at me forever and she has to see that I still love her, no matter what she might be thinking or feeling.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother’s Day. Usually a day of spoiling Ceecee by me and the kids, but not this year. She’s really down and it just doesn’t seem like there’s anything to celebrate. Steven took off to go back to Tennessee and it just wasn’t much of a day, much less a mother’s day.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Ceecee started her Galloway training this morning. It’s every Saturday morning, so I went to the gym while she went to run with her group. She showed up and said she didn’t even break a sweat the first day. I figured they start slow and it will get tough later. The marathon isn’t for six months.

Steven showed up and we were trying to communicate about the bike in secret. I called over there to try to get information about the brand and any details and all Angie could tell me was it had “skinny, skinny tires.” Later Steven called me and said he looked it up on the internet and it was worth about $900. It was a red Raleigh Gran Sport and it was really nice.

At one point during the day, we snuck away and took the bike to a local bike shop for a tune-up and general getting ready. Steven’s girlfriend almost accidentally gave it all away, and at one point, I thought Ceecee had figured it out, but we kept up the act and hoped for the best. We decided it was better to just leave it at the bike shop so that it couldn’t “accidentally” be found at Angie’s.