Thursday, June 3, 2010
Tonight I tried to get Ceecee to come around. It was time for bed and I just said, “This has to stop. This is us. Things can’t be like this. We’re great together” It didn’t matter. She has really turned her heart against me. I’m beginning to wonder if she will ever come around. We haven’t made love or been close for more than a month now. We sleep in the same bed, but that’s about it. We don’t fight or argue, it’s just either cold or we act like friends, but nothing more.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
I surprised my wife today by pulling into the parking lot at CD Warehouse. We went in and I bought her the CD, Tea for the Tillerman, by Cat Stevens, the one that has Wild World on it. We listened to it in the car and it really seemed to bring back old memories for her.
Mort Fertel, the marriage guy who is emailing me said to give her a special gift that would really mean something only to her. It was supposed to be something that would show that I am paying attention to her wants and listening to her. He said it could change the momentum of the relationship. I don’t know if it will, but I want to do whatever it takes. We don’t have the money for me to buy something extravagant, but I would if I could.
On Saturday, I’m running my first 5k. I’m really glad to be getting back in shape. My wife inspires me to be better. She is running both the Medical Mile and the 5K and I’m hoping to run the 5k in 30 minutes.
Monday, May 31, 2010
First Monday of Summer vacation that didn’t involve going to jury duty, so Ceecee and I took the day and went to Eureka Springs. It was a really tough day for me. She wore one of my favorite dresses and she looked absolutely amazing. Every day while this goes on, I just keep thinking that she’s going to come to her senses and realize that we need to get back to being happy together.
So anyway, today, I was just sure that the breakthrough would come. That’s actually why I wanted to go down there. It’s kind of a magical place for us and we always have a romantic time. We have a lot of special memories there and I was just sure that if I could get her there and we could spend a day together that everything would change. I tried so hard.
We went into this one clothing store and I bought her this sexy brown top that was really great. We walked all around downtown and sat and listened to music for a while. They have a lot of folk artists who play in the park and there was this one guy who was really good that afternoon. He started taking requests and we called for Cat Stevens. My wife was a Cat Stevens fan when she was a teen and she loves the song, “Wild World.” He didn’t sing it, but we had a good time sitting on the benches.
I took some pictures of her on my phone and she looked so beautiful, but had this sadness in her eyes that really tore me up. We decided to eat dinner at the balcony restaurant which is on the balcony of this old, historic hotel right downtown next to the park. When we were on the stairs, I tried to kiss her, but she turned away and I knew that she wasn’t ready to get close. We had held hands all day and I thought that today was going to be the day, but it didn’t happen. I can’t lose her. I can’t seem to reach her, but I can’t lose her.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Taking a break from all the running and working out and Ceecee and I went to Silver Dollar City again. We really had fun. She let me buy her this really big balloon with other balloons inside of it and we had a super day. The best we’ve had in a long time. We didn’t kiss or anything, but we held hands and went on a lot of rides and had a great time together.
Tonight we had a blast! I have a story for the Springfield Business Journal (a local paper I write for) where we have to try to pair wines with chocolate. It’s Askinosie chocolate, made here in Springfield, and it’s some of the best chocolate you could ever taste. I got some wineries to send me bottles that they think will go well with it and we invited two other couples to taste and make notes. Tomorrow we’re going to do it again with some other couples.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Ceecee took her bike out to the Wilson’s Creeek National Battlefield to get some riding experience. I guess it went pretty well. The road out there is pretty hilly, but she said she handled it ok.
I was in jury duty again. The trial finished up and we decided against the plaintiff. His lawyer was one of those ones that has the ads on tv, so it was pretty weird being in there watching all of it. I’m glad it’s over so I can take some time off.
This marriage stuff that this guy, Mort Fertel, is emailing me is pretty weird. He calls his program “marriage fitness,” which is interesting. He talks about why counseling doesn’t usually work and that you need to step away from your problems and focus on doing things that will change the dynamics of your relationship.
He gives really practical things that people can do, and he says you can “build” your marriage fitness like you can build muscle by working out. I’m trying to take some of the advice. I’m willing to do most anything right now just to get things back to going right.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Ceecee ran with her group again this morning and then we hurried off to The Hill in St. Louis. The weather was great and we ate outside at Milo’s, a bar and grill right in the heart of The Hill on Marconi St. They have bocce courts and there was a wedding party that was playing while we ate. It was both fun and funny to watch them in their tuxes and dresses out there playing bocce. Like before, while we were there, it almost seemed like our problems weren’t happening. Like we stepped away from our troubled reality and into a make-believe world where we were still Brian and Ceecee.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Today was the last full day of school for this year. We have a half day tomorrow, but it won’t amount to much. These last couple of months have really been tough because we work together at school. It’s not like we fight or say bad things to each other, but we always used to seem so close and people have always been used to us just being a great couple and they have to be able to tell that things are different.
Ceecee went to a thing for her Galloway group at the Starting Block tonight and got fitted for new running shoes. They do a video analysis of them running and then pick out shoes to match their style. I’ve never heard of the brand she got – Mizuno – but I was happy for her to see her excited.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Ceecee says on Facebook that she’s wondering why things can’t be clear and easy. I don’t know what that means. Sometimes I think she still wants everything to work out and sometimes I think she’s already gone.
Monday, May 17, 2010
It was really weird. Last night, right before I went to bed, I got an email that said, “Need help in your marriage?” I thought it was spam, so I ignored it. Today, I got curious and I went ahead and read it. It was from a guy named Mort Fertel, who apparently is some kind of marriage big shot. It said I visited his website and signed up for the free information – which I didn’t – but I went ahead and looked at what he had to say and it’s pretty interesting.
The Restoration Tour 