Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Ceecee says on Facebook that she’s wondering why things can’t be clear and easy. I don’t know what that means. Sometimes I think she still wants everything to work out and sometimes I think she’s already gone.
Posts Tagged ‘broken marriage’
Day T-79 and counting…
Posted: June 25, 2012 in Love and MarriageTags: Broken Heart, broken marriage, heart, love, marriage
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Day T-81 and counting…
Posted: June 24, 2012 in Love and MarriageTags: Broken Heart, broken marriage, divorce, Healing, heart, Hope, love, marriage, marriage help, Mort Fertel, restoration
Monday, May 17, 2010
It was really weird. Last night, right before I went to bed, I got an email that said, “Need help in your marriage?” I thought it was spam, so I ignored it. Today, I got curious and I went ahead and read it. It was from a guy named Mort Fertel, who apparently is some kind of marriage big shot. It said I visited his website and signed up for the free information – which I didn’t – but I went ahead and looked at what he had to say and it’s pretty interesting.
Day T-82 and counting…
Posted: June 23, 2012 in Love and MarriageTags: Broken Heart, broken marriage, codependent relationship, heart, Hope, love, marriage
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Things are not good. The weather had been rainy and dreary and we’re stuck inside and not really getting along. I kept trying to get Ceecee to tell me about St. Louis and she didn’t want to talk about it. Finally I asked her what her favorite part was and she said it was being alone in the room without me. I wanted to burst into tears, but I knew that would only make it worse so I just kind of sat there in shock. I mean, I understand that she says I’ve been smothering her and that she wants a break from what she feels has become a codependent relationship, but I can’t deal with this.
I went to pick up a movie from redbox this afternoon and when I got there, I just sat in my car in the parking lot and cried. I can’t believe any of this is happening and I can’t lose my wife. Finally I called Angie and told her what was going on. She was really upset and couldn’t understand it either. In a way it felt good to tell someone, but I hate that it hurts Angie also.
Day T-83 and counting…
Posted: June 22, 2012 in Love and MarriageTags: Broken Heart, broken marriage, heart, love, marriage, restoration, St. Louis
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Ceecee called me this evening because she got turned around in St, Louis and couldn’t find her way to where she was going. Other than that, I didn’t hear from her. She doesn’t like to talk on the phone, especially when she’s driving, and I’m sure she and Ann were talking a lot. She was also going to take a break from me, or us, or whatever, so I didn’t really expect to talk to her much. I haven’t spent a night alone in a long time.
Day T-85 and counting…
Posted: June 21, 2012 in Love and MarriageTags: Birthdays, Broken Heart, broken marriage, cycling, gifts, heart, Hope, love, marriage, restoration
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Ceecee was really angry and awful today, insisting that we weren’t celebrating her birthday and she didn’t want anything. She kept saying she wasn’t having a birthday and no one was to do anything for her. Of course I couldn’t let that stand, but it was really ugly for a while.
In the end, I took her to Old Chicago, one of our favorite restaurants, where Angie and Taylor were also showing up with a few small gifts. We ended up having fun, and after she loosened up, Ceecee let the waitress take some pictures of all of us with a digital camera. After we ate, instead of going home, I drove to the bike shop. I didn’t tell her anything, just drove there.
When she asked why we were there, I just told her she would see. She was so completely baffled when they wheeled the bike out, that she just said, “What is it?” I said, “It’s a road bike,” and she said, “but how?” I told her I would tell her later, when we weren’t in the store. I also got a bike rack to put on the back of the car, and one of the guys from the store came out and installed it for us.
That night on Facebook, she wrote, “Well, turning 39 wasn’t so bad and I had a nice birthday in spite of my protests. I’m so excited. I have my bike!” Surely everything will change now. She can’t stay mad at me forever and she has to see that I still love her, no matter what she might be thinking or feeling.
Day T-87 and counting…
Posted: June 20, 2012 in Love and MarriageTags: Birthdays, Broken Heart, broken marriage, graduation, heart, love, marriage, St. Louis
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Taylor graduates tonight and Ceecee has had a headache all afternoon. She has never had trouble sleeping until the last year or two and it’s really bad lately. I’ve always had struggles with insomnia and sleeplessness, so I’m pretty much used to it, but she really doesn’t function well when she’s not sleeping.
She’s come up with this idea that she wants to go to St. Louis by herself as part of this whole “finding out who she is” thing. She says she wants to see what it’s like to go and not be dependent on me to drive and take care of everything. I don’t like the idea, so we came up with a compromise. She and my sister, Ann, share the same birthday, so they are going to go together. They are getting separate rooms, so that it’s a break for Ceecee, but she won’t be completely going by herself. I don’t feel good about it, but what can I do? I’m not going to forbid her and she really seems to be set on this.
Day T-89 and counting…
Posted: June 19, 2012 in Love and MarriageTags: Broken Heart, broken marriage, gifts, heart, Hope, love, marriage, Mother's Day
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mother’s Day. Usually a day of spoiling Ceecee by me and the kids, but not this year. She’s really down and it just doesn’t seem like there’s anything to celebrate. Steven took off to go back to Tennessee and it just wasn’t much of a day, much less a mother’s day.
Day T-90 and counting…
Posted: June 18, 2012 in Love and MarriageTags: Birthdays, Broken Heart, broken marriage, cycling, fitness, gifts, health, heart, Hope, love, marathon, marriage, restoration, running, special memory
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Ceecee started her Galloway training this morning. It’s every Saturday morning, so I went to the gym while she went to run with her group. She showed up and said she didn’t even break a sweat the first day. I figured they start slow and it will get tough later. The marathon isn’t for six months.
Steven showed up and we were trying to communicate about the bike in secret. I called over there to try to get information about the brand and any details and all Angie could tell me was it had “skinny, skinny tires.” Later Steven called me and said he looked it up on the internet and it was worth about $900. It was a red Raleigh Gran Sport and it was really nice.
At one point during the day, we snuck away and took the bike to a local bike shop for a tune-up and general getting ready. Steven’s girlfriend almost accidentally gave it all away, and at one point, I thought Ceecee had figured it out, but we kept up the act and hoped for the best. We decided it was better to just leave it at the bike shop so that it couldn’t “accidentally” be found at Angie’s.
Day T-91 and counting…
Posted: June 16, 2012 in Love and MarriageTags: Birthdays, Broken Heart, broken marriage, cycling, fitness, gifts, Healing, heart, Hope, jury duty, love, marriage, restoration, silver dollar city, surprise visit, triathlon
Friday, May 7, 2010
Every year, on one of the last Fridays of the school year, our junior high sponsors what they call “eighth grade weekend.” It’s a field trip for eighth grade only where they get to go on an all day trip to Silver Dollar City. Ceecee and I both got to go this year because she was recruited to walk around with some special needs students. It was a nice day and we had a good time. I’m still pretty freaked out from last night, but today didn’t seem any different than any other lately.
Ceecee found out today that her brother from Tennessee is coming for a surprise visit to celebrate Taylor’s graduation. What she doesn’t realize is that the surprise is on her. She really wants a bike that she can start training to race in triathlons, but even used, they are really expensive and we’re pretty broke right now. I’ve been shopping on line, but we haven’t been able to find anything that way.
Somehow, I was talking to her stepmom in Tennessee the other day and she told me that they have one that is almost new and they would be willing to let me have it for next to nothing. Then we were trying to figure out how to get it shipped here and this idea of Steven coming to visit materialized and there it was. He has a pick-up truck and he’s driving out. He is bringing the bike and is going to take it to Angie’s house where we’ll keep it until Ceecee’s birthday. I can’t wait! I love pulling off these kinds of surprises!
A surprise I didn’t like was finding out I have jury duty the Monday after school gets out. What a way to start my Summer vacation. Oh, well. Maybe it won’t happen. A lot of times these things get cancelled.
Day T-92 and counting…
Posted: June 15, 2012 in Love and MarriageTags: Broken Heart, broken marriage, divorce, farmer s market, heart, Hope, love, marriage, restoration
Thursday, May 6, 2010
This walking to the farmer’s market and talking about our marriage thing is really weird. During all the rest of the week, she won’t talk about it at all, and I know better than to push. It will just start a fight and make things worse, so I just kind of go along with whatever is happening throughout the days and hope things will get better. I keep thinking that any day now, she’ll say she’s sorry for the way she’s been acting and this will all go away.
Tonight, she indicated that she’s not sure she loves me anymore – no surprise there – and went on to say a bunch of stuff that sounded crazy to me. She said she doesn’t know who she is anymore and that she needs to find out what she likes and what she wants. She said she needs time and that if she can have the time to figure all this out that she might be able to choose me again. Then she asked if that made sense. I told her “not a bit, but I respect you and if that’s the way you really feel, I don’t understand it, but I’ll respect it.”
I wanted to scream at her, “You’ve already chosen me. You’re married, remember,” but I knew that wouldn’t help anything, so I mostly kept my mouth shut. How can she say these things? You don’t marry someone, raise kids together and then change your mind. Yes, I was unfaithful, but that was over a year ago. How can this be happening now? And why?
The Restoration Tour 