Posts Tagged ‘Hope’

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Got our costumes finished today for the Halloween 10K. Not everyone runs in costume, but a lot of people do and we wanted to come up with something that would be fun and also mean something.

We’ve been talking about it off and on for a while now, but it was my wife that came up with the idea that we ended up going with. One day, just out of nowhere, she said, “Why don’t we go as opposite sides of the same coin?” I immediately loved it, because that was the phrase that my friend Adam had used months ago to describe us

We were separated and Ceecee and I had gone to art walk with Adam joining as kind of a third wheel. When I talked to him on the phone soon after and asked him if he was confused about why Ceecee and I weren’t together, he had said, “You guys are one. You’re opposite sides of the same coin.” I had told Ceecee that he had said that, but of course, we weren’t together then, so she didn’t respond and I was very pleasantly surprised to realize now that she still remembered that and still thinks about it.

This is really what the restoration tour is all about. Revisiting the same literal, physical places where things happened while we were breaking apart, and also revisiting those memories, those words that were spoken, those actions that were done that hurt each other and that we would never do now that we are in love again.

So how are we going as opposite sides of the same coin, you may wonder?, We are wearing tight black running pants or shorts with long-sleeved black shirts. We made signs that go on our backs with black on white for one and white on black for the other that say “Opposite sides of” and “the same coin.” Then we used a projector at school to trace and draw the front and back of a Missouri quarter onto cardboard cut-outs painted silver.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Victory is ours! We’ve been riding our bikes to work and back a few times a week (17 miles one way), and there are a lot of hills in between Springfield (where we live) and Ozark (where we work). It’s tougher coming home, plus we’re tired from work, and there’s this one hill that we always have to get off and walk at least part way up.

It’s really long and steep until you hit a little shoulder and then there’s an even steeper part to the top. Ceecee calls it The Beast. I call it Ridgecrest because that’s what the street sign at the very top says. The shoulder is the farthest we’ve ever made it until today. Today, we weren’t feeling particularly energetic, so I wasn’t expecting anything different.

When we got to about the place where we usually fail, Ceecee didn’t make any move to dismount from her bike. She was going really slow and I was right behind her, so I just kept going too. We were past the shoulder and all of a sudden, I realized we were going to make it!

It was a pretty awesome feeling. It’s always a little embarrassing to have to walk it up even though it’s a killer hill. In fact, the name of the area is Fremont Hills and a lot of cyclists train there just because it is so tough. Now that we’ve done it once and know that we can, I don’t think we’ll ever walk it again!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

We took our bikes out today instead of running because I hurt my knee last weekend. I was running with Ceecee and we were interval training (run/walk) and I don’t know what happened. It was at about the 8 mile mark that I started getting a stabbing pain in my right knee. I tried to just run through it, but I couldn’t. The pain became unbearable at about 9 miles and I couldn’t keep going.

The problem was, we were about two miles from the car and I still had to walk back to it, hurting every step of the way. Going up the stairs at the loft was awful, but by the next day it had mostly settled down, so we’re just kind of watching it to see what happens. I figure that if I mostly rest it, I’ll still be able to run the 10K on the 17th.

Anyway, we were in Nathaniel Greene Park – a place we really love that the South Creek Trail goes through – and a walnut fell from a tree and got me right on the forearm. Ceecee thought it was funny, but it really hurt. I guess it was funny actually, but I wasn’t laughing at the time.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Took Ceecee shopping today and she really surprised me. She bought this really cute bikini and wrote on Facebook, “Yes, I bought a bikini and yes, I’m going to wear it.” She’s usually very self-conscious about bathing suits and wears things to cover herself up, even at the pool.

I’m glad she did. It looked really good and it makes me feel good to think that she is feeling more confident in herself because of the way I treat her. I don’t know if that’s why or not, but it’s nice to see. She plans on bringing it to St. Louis and the hotel we’re staying at has a pool.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Part of what we’re doing for our anniversary is going to Tennessee and attending an NFL game between the Eagles and the Titans, our two favorite teams. I’ve always loved the Philadelphia Eagles, and since most of Ceecee’s family lives in Tennessee, they’ve all become Titans fans.

Our actual anniversary is in the middle of the week, and the game is the weekend after. The weekend before, we’re going to run the Halloween 10K in St. Louis. It’s a race through downtown where a lot of people run in costumes and it sounds great. By sandwiching it between the two weekends, we are going to kind of make this year’s anniversary a week long celebration.

Monday, September 27, 2010

We booked our room for Chicago today. It’s a place we love to go ever since we found out they have a Christkindl market there over the holidays. My wife grew up in Germany (yes, her Dad was in the army) and had always told me that her favorite memory was of an outdoor Christmas market that they would go to where there was food, ornaments, and the like. She has always said how much she wants to take me to Germany some time so I can see it.

Back in the early 2000’s, she found out that they bring a market to downtown Chicago from Thanksgiving through Christmas Eve. We went in 2003 for the first time and I’ll never forget the look on her face when we first walked up. She said the sights and smells were just like she remembered. I took a picture of her that I had made into an 8×10 and it’s still my favorite picture of her to this day.

Since then, we’ve gone several times, usually over Thanksgiving break from school. Once, we went to the Thanksgiving Day parade and we’re going to do that again this year. We’ll be staying right off Michigan avenue, just a block from the start of the parade route.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Ceecee registered for her marathon today. She thanked me on Facebook, which I appreciated, but she’s done all the hard work. She’s consistently running over 20 miles now, which I can’t really do, so sometimes I bring my bike and ride while she runs.

Other than that, we’re just enjoying being married. Life is pretty wonderful right now, and we’re growing more confident and secure as the days go by. There’s a lingering fear that this is only temporary, and that things will eventually revert back to the way they used to be, but I keep pushing that down, and there’s no evidence of it.

Things are actually getting better all the time and they are so different than they used to be. Ceecee doesn’t have that anger anymore, and I really believe her when she tells me how much she loves me. That’s pretty significant, because I always felt somehow unlovable before. I don’t know if it was from too many failed relationships or what, but I always felt, deep down inside, that I was unworthy of love, and that it was only a matter of time before any given person would reject me.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

My wife has always been interested in theater and musicals and such. I really haven’t been, but I want to support the things she likes, and one of the things about moving downtown is that there are several theaters right near our loft. They have been playing Cats at one of them and Ceecee really wanted to go. I decided to take her, but I procrastinated buying the tickets until today. There was only standing room left, which sucked, but it was either that or miss it, so I bought them.

On the way there, she stopped me on the sidewalk, kissed me, and said, “Let’s make a pact that we will never intentionally hurt each other again.” It was an amazing moment.

I thought Cats was pretty good, but Ceecee absolutely loved it. At one point, I looked over at her while she was watching and her face was absolutely shining. It made me so glad I had taken her and also makes me want to do more of this in the future if it makes her this happy.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Quite an unexpected and unpleasant surprise first thing this morning.

My wife doesn’t have a classroom of her own, so she usually hangs out in my room and gets on my computer in the mornings before school starts. She checks her email and such and today, I happened to walk over while she had her hotmail inbox open and I saw that there was a message from that guy from her past. The subject line said, “can we talk?”

I asked her about it and she said she was sorry that I had to see it and that she’s just ignoring him. I asked her how often he’s writing to her and she said, “pretty much everyday.” I asked her if she wanted me to get involved and do something about it, but she said no, and please not to, that it would only make it worse.

I’m not sure what that means, but it left me feeling pretty sick and uneasy for the rest of the day.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Frustrating night at Macy’s. I don’t want to do this much longer. Fortunately, I get to go home to my wonderful Ceecee!