Posts Tagged ‘restoration’

Day T-67 and counting…

Posted: July 5, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Monday, May 31, 2010

First Monday of Summer vacation that didn’t involve going to jury duty, so Ceecee and I took the day and went to Eureka Springs. It was a really tough day for me. She wore one of my favorite dresses and she looked absolutely amazing. Every day while this goes on, I just keep thinking that she’s going to come to her senses and realize that we need to get back to being happy together.

So anyway, today, I was just sure that the breakthrough would come. That’s actually why I wanted to go down there. It’s kind of a magical place for us and we always have a romantic time. We have a lot of special memories there and I was just sure that if I could get her there and we could spend a day together that everything would change. I tried so hard.

We went into this one clothing store and I bought her this sexy brown top that was really great. We walked all around downtown and sat and listened to music for a while. They have a lot of folk artists who play in the park and there was this one guy who was really good that afternoon. He started taking requests and we called for Cat Stevens. My wife was a Cat Stevens fan when she was a teen and she loves the song, “Wild World.” He didn’t sing it, but we had a good time sitting on the benches.

I took some pictures of her on my phone and she looked so beautiful, but had this sadness in her eyes that really tore me up. We decided to eat dinner at the balcony restaurant which is on the balcony of this old, historic hotel right downtown next to the park. When we were on the stairs, I tried to kiss her, but she turned away and I knew that she wasn’t ready to get close. We had held hands all day and I thought that today was going to be the day, but it didn’t happen. I can’t lose her. I can’t seem to reach her, but I can’t lose her.

Day T-73 and counting…

Posted: July 2, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Ceecee took her bike out to the Wilson’s Creeek National Battlefield to get some riding experience. I guess it went pretty well. The road out there is pretty hilly, but she said she handled it ok.

I was in jury duty again. The trial finished up and we decided against the plaintiff. His lawyer was one of those ones that has the ads on tv, so it was pretty weird being in there watching all of it. I’m glad it’s over so I can take some time off.

This marriage stuff that this guy, Mort Fertel, is emailing me is pretty weird. He calls his program “marriage fitness,” which is interesting. He talks about why counseling doesn’t usually work and that you need to step away from your problems and focus on doing things that will change the dynamics of your relationship.

He gives really practical things that people can do, and he says you can “build” your marriage fitness like you can build muscle by working out. I’m trying to take some of the advice. I’m willing to do most anything right now just to get things back to going right.

Day T-76 and counting…

Posted: June 29, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Saturday, May 22, 2010

Ceecee ran with her group again this morning and then we hurried off to The Hill in St. Louis. The weather was great and we ate outside at Milo’s, a bar and grill right in the heart of The Hill on Marconi St. They have bocce courts and there was a wedding party that was playing while we ate. It was both fun and funny to watch them in their tuxes and dresses out there playing bocce. Like before, while we were there, it almost seemed like our problems weren’t happening. Like we stepped away from our troubled reality and into a make-believe world where we were still Brian and Ceecee.

Day T-81 and counting…

Posted: June 24, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Monday, May 17, 2010

It was really weird. Last night, right before I went to bed, I got an email that said, “Need help in your marriage?” I thought it was spam, so I ignored it. Today, I got curious and I went ahead and read it. It was from a guy named Mort Fertel, who apparently is some kind of marriage big shot. It said I visited his website and signed up for the free information – which I didn’t – but I went ahead and looked at what he had to say and it’s pretty interesting.

Day T-83 and counting…

Posted: June 22, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Saturday, May 15, 2010

Ceecee called me this evening because she got turned around in St, Louis and couldn’t find her way to where she was going. Other than that, I didn’t hear from her. She doesn’t like to talk on the phone, especially when she’s driving, and I’m sure she and Ann were talking a lot. She was also going to take a break from me, or us, or whatever, so I didn’t really expect to talk to her much. I haven’t spent a night alone in a long time.

Day T-85 and counting…

Posted: June 21, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Thursday, May 13, 2010

Ceecee was really angry and awful today, insisting that we weren’t celebrating her birthday and she didn’t want anything. She kept saying she wasn’t having a birthday and no one was to do anything for her. Of course I couldn’t let that stand, but it was really ugly for a while.

In the end, I took her to Old Chicago, one of our favorite restaurants, where Angie and Taylor were also showing up with a few small gifts. We ended up having fun, and after she loosened up, Ceecee let the waitress take some pictures of all of us with a digital camera. After we ate, instead of going home, I drove to the bike shop. I didn’t tell her anything, just drove there.

When she asked why we were there, I just told her she would see. She was so completely baffled when they wheeled the bike out, that she just said, “What is it?” I said, “It’s a road bike,” and she said, “but how?” I told her I would tell her later, when we weren’t in the store. I also got a bike rack to put on the back of the car, and one of the guys from the store came out and installed it for us.

That night on Facebook, she wrote, “Well, turning 39 wasn’t so bad and I had a nice birthday in spite of my protests. I’m so excited. I have my bike!” Surely everything will change now. She can’t stay mad at me forever and she has to see that I still love her, no matter what she might be thinking or feeling.

Day T-90 and counting…

Posted: June 18, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Saturday, May 8, 2010

Ceecee started her Galloway training this morning. It’s every Saturday morning, so I went to the gym while she went to run with her group. She showed up and said she didn’t even break a sweat the first day. I figured they start slow and it will get tough later. The marathon isn’t for six months.

Steven showed up and we were trying to communicate about the bike in secret. I called over there to try to get information about the brand and any details and all Angie could tell me was it had “skinny, skinny tires.” Later Steven called me and said he looked it up on the internet and it was worth about $900. It was a red Raleigh Gran Sport and it was really nice.

At one point during the day, we snuck away and took the bike to a local bike shop for a tune-up and general getting ready. Steven’s girlfriend almost accidentally gave it all away, and at one point, I thought Ceecee had figured it out, but we kept up the act and hoped for the best. We decided it was better to just leave it at the bike shop so that it couldn’t “accidentally” be found at Angie’s.

Day T-91 and counting…

Posted: June 16, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Friday, May 7, 2010

Every year, on one of the last Fridays of the school year, our junior high sponsors what they call “eighth grade weekend.” It’s a field trip for eighth grade only where they get to go on an all day trip to Silver Dollar City. Ceecee and I both got to go this year because she was recruited to walk around with some special needs students. It was a nice day and we had a good time. I’m still pretty freaked out from last night, but today didn’t seem any different than any other lately.

Ceecee found out today that her brother from Tennessee is coming for a surprise visit to celebrate Taylor’s graduation. What she doesn’t realize is that the surprise is on her. She really wants a bike that she can start training to race in triathlons, but even used, they are really expensive and we’re pretty broke right now. I’ve been shopping on line, but we haven’t been able to find anything that way.

Somehow, I was talking to her stepmom in Tennessee the other day and she told me that they have one that is almost new and they would be willing to let me have it for next to nothing. Then we were trying to figure out how to get it shipped here and this idea of Steven coming to visit materialized and there it was. He has a pick-up truck and he’s driving out. He is bringing the bike and is going to take it to Angie’s house where we’ll keep it until Ceecee’s birthday. I can’t wait! I love pulling off these kinds of surprises!

A surprise I didn’t like was finding out I have jury duty the Monday after school gets out. What a way to start my Summer vacation. Oh, well. Maybe it won’t happen. A lot of times these things get cancelled.

Day T-92 and counting…

Posted: June 15, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Thursday, May 6, 2010

This walking to the farmer’s market and talking about our marriage thing is really weird. During all the rest of the week, she won’t talk about it at all, and I know better than to push. It will just start a fight and make things worse, so I just kind of go along with whatever is happening throughout the days and hope things will get better. I keep thinking that any day now, she’ll say she’s sorry for the way she’s been acting and this will all go away.

Tonight, she indicated that she’s not sure she loves me anymore – no surprise there – and went on to say a bunch of stuff that sounded crazy to me. She said she doesn’t know who she is anymore and that she needs to find out what she likes and what she wants. She said she needs time and that if she can have the time to figure all this out that she might be able to choose me again. Then she asked if that made sense. I told her “not a bit, but I respect you and if that’s the way you really feel, I don’t understand it, but I’ll respect it.”

I wanted to scream at her, “You’ve already chosen me. You’re married, remember,” but I knew that wouldn’t help anything, so I mostly kept my mouth shut. How can she say these things? You don’t marry someone, raise kids together and then change your mind. Yes, I was unfaithful, but that was over a year ago. How can this be happening now? And why?

Day T-97 and counting…

Posted: June 14, 2012 in Love and Marriage
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Saturday, May 1, 2010

I started doing a running program called the “Couch to 5K” or C25K for short after Ceecee’s half-marathon. The goal is to get a person to be able to run a 5K race within about nine weeks starting from nothing. This morning, Ceecee ran a 5K race called the May Day 5K and I did the one mile fun run. I wasn’t even completely sure I could do the mile, but I did, and it was actually pretty easy.

Ceecee ran the 5K in just over 27 minutes and said her next race will be better. I was impressed with her time and think she did great. She even told me that her shoes came untied twice and she had to stop and tie them. She amazes me. She’s been swimming more and more and just gradually increases her distance. We go to the pool together and I try to encourage her, but she still doesn’t think she’s much of a swimmer.

She wants to run a marathon this year. She says it’s to “prove that she isn’t old.” She’s turning 39 in a couple of weeks, so I don’t know what she’s talking about. Anyway, they are starting a training program soon for the Bass Pro marathon and it’s $100 and I went ahead and signed her up today. She wants to do this and I support her. It’s through a running guru named Jeff Galloway who I’ve never heard of, but he has a book out and it’s supposed to be a big deal.

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