Posts Tagged ‘triathlon’

Friday, July 30, 2010

This is an amazing time! After we bought the car yesterday, we went back to her place and ate. We talked and she really opened up about a lot of things. She said she could see that I’ve really changed. She asked me if I’m still praying and I told her, “all the time.” She said to keep doing it and to get everyone I can to pray because she really wants things to work out between us. It’s the first time she’s said anything like that up to now.

I was so freaked out, I didn’t know how to react, so I just stayed calm and told her I will. When I got home, I called Joe and told him that we have the upper hand in the spiritual battle now and let’s push through in prayer and finish this thing while we can. I’m not sure he totally understood, but he said he would. I called Adam and some others and encouraged them to pray hard as well.

I picked her up this morning to swim and then we went to a coffee shop for breakfast. When we came out to the car, she said it again. She said it will take a miracle, but she really wants things to work out for us, so please pray like never before. On her Facebook today, she wrote, “is believing that God will work all things out…”

I wanted to see her again tonight, but she said no, that I need to be home resting for the mock triathlon tomorrow. She’s right. I have to get up early and the mock tri is in Republic, so I need to leave from there in the morning.

Thursday, July 29, 2011

I had a really great workout this morning. My training group is having a mock triathlon Saturday morning where we are going to go through the entire actual course. The idea is so that we will know that we can do it. I still don’t know I can do it, but after this morning, I feel very confident. Ceecee dropped the training class and isn’t going to be in the tri.

This afternoon, she called me and asked if I would run some errands with her. While we were out, the guy from one of the car lots called and said he had a car that he thought might be what she’s looking for. We went and it was. It was a good car at a good price and she bought it. I was happy for her, but also nervous about what it implied for us. Now she won’t need rides anymore, and a lot of the times, that’s been why she calls.

Monday, July 19, 2010

My daughter from western Kansas is here visiting. We haven’t gotten to spend much time together in the last several years, and this is really weird that she’s here right now while I’m trying to pursue Ceecee, but I need to focus on her some also. God told me to work things out with her, so I’m going to have to balance time with her and trying to fix my marriage.

We’re still having the heat wave, so triathlon training and helping Taylor get ready for the air force have been really tough. I take him out running and he’s been going to the gym with one of his friends. I’ve got a bike session with my group tonight and I’m not looking forward to it.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I got my bike fixed today and it only cost me $25. Today I rode 15 miles and it was pretty sweet. I don’t know why, but I have it in my mind and spirit that me doing the triathlon is somehow going to have an effect on our separation. It doesn’t make sense, especially now that Ceecee is concentrating on her marathon and probably not going to even be in the triathlon, but I have this mental picture that when I cross that finish line, something is going to break and she’s going to come back to me.

I dont’ know if anyone ever saved his marriage, or won his wife’s love back by running a triathlon, but I believe this, however illogical it might be. I’m going to do this. The triathlon is August 14th, the weekend before school starts. We definitely need to work this out by then or it’s going to really get complicated.

Speaking of school, a teacher friend of mine took me to lunch today. This is the second day in a row someone has bought me lunch and been there to support me and let me talk about my marriage. I told him about the vision of restoring the house and he had something really cool to add. He said that even though the original house looked really great, it wasn’t entirely adequate in the way it was built and that it didn’t just need to be restored, it needed to be added on to and rebuilt correctly.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Last night was interesting. I didn’t bring Taylor to art walk and the reason was totally selfish. I figured that since art walk is downtown, where Ceecee’s apartment is, and that it would be at night, maybe if things went well she would ask me to spend the night again.

I also didn’t want it to be pressure, so I invited Adam, a mutual friend. He was worried about it, but I told him it would be fine and it was. We had a really good time. Ceecee wore my favorite brown shirt that I bought for her and she looked so amazing in it. We held hands all night and had fun and it just seemed so crazy that we’re not together. I did stay the night at her place and again, nothing happened, but it felt good to be there, even though it’s all really confusing.

I called Adam the next morning after I went back to Republic and asked him, “Are you as confused as I am about why we’re not together?” I figured he saw the whole thing and it didn’t make any sense that Ceecee and I could be like that, but not have a relationship. He said something really cool. He said, “You two are opposite sides of the same coin. You two are one.” I told Ceecee over the phone that he said that, but she didn’t say anything back. Tomorrow, we’re going to Silver Dollar City for the fourth of July, though.

Tonight we had a bike ride for triathlon training. Ceecee didn’t go. In fact, she hasn’t gone since the first night. It’s partly because she works irregular hours at her new job and I think she also feels uncomfortable because of what’s going on in our marriage. Something is a little bit wrong with my bike and the guy teaching the class told me where to take it to get it fixed.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I went to the trails to run today and I can’t tell you how painful it was trying to run with this rib injury. Every step was a stabbing pain, but the physical pain kind of took the focus off the pain in my heart, so it wasn’t all bad. I looked up some stuff online and talked to some people and I think I have a fractured rib or two. Actually, I think it’s in the cartilage, but according to web md, it’s still considered a fracture even if it’s only cartilage. It says it takes about 6 weeks to heal and that will be almost up to the triathlon.

At home, I keep praying and listening for God’s voice. I’m also really learning a lot from the Mort Fertel emails. It’s uncanny the way they seem to speak right to my situation. Today, I wrote some stuff down on paper and one thing was that I am to blame. I caused the separation in our marriage. I know it takes two and we both have a part in it, but I know that if I had been the man of God that Ceecee believed me to be when she married me that none of this would ever have happened.

It was really bizarre, but I prayed tonight about what to do about Ceecee and I felt like God told me to make things right with Brianna. She’s my daughter from a previous marriage and she lives in western Kansas. Things have been rough for a long time. I tried to get custody, but ended up agreeing to let her live with her Mom through mediation.

When she was in 8th grade, we moved from Kansas to Missouri and she said she was going to move with us. She didn’t, and her Mom has always tried to poison her against me. Since we moved, it just seems that our relationship has deteriorated to almost nothing. Anyway, I felt like tonight that God said to fix things with her, so I called her and talked to her about visiting. I told her I would make time for her and that I would do the transportation, even though her Mom is supposed to drive halfway.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Today I picked up Ceecee’s wedding ring from the jewelery shop. It really turned out nice. I can’t believe I waited this long to do this. I’m so ashamed of myself, but I am going to write her a love letter and give it to her with the ring. I haven’t decided exactly how yet, but I’m going to have it be a surprise and I think her heart will melt and she’ll understand. I have to believe that she still loves me deep down and that this will allow us to break through all the defenses she’s put up.

In the afternoon, I went and rode the bicycle course for the Tiger Tri, the triathlon Ceecee and I are going to be in this August. It was tough, but it was also a blast. I don’t know why I waited so long to get into road cycling. Going down some of those hills at those speeds was amazing!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Not much of a Father’s Day. Angie was really sweet and took good care of me, and I can tell Taylor really cares and that means a lot. The other girls sent me messages and they only sort of know what’s going on. Still, my marriage is failing and I don’t feel much like celebrating.

Tonight, we are going to the gym to start a triathlon training for beginners class. Then, who knows. Ceecee still talks like the separation is going to be temporary and that it will allow us to “find each other again.” I’ve stopped just hoping this will all pass and have started pursuing her again. I don’t know what else to do. We talked about it and I really get the feeling she wants me to pursue and try to win her back. I also think that she thinks that maybe I won’t. I don’t think she’s convinced that my love is real and I can’t blame her. Why would she be? I’ve haven’t really given her much reason to feel loved for quite a long time.

Friday, June 11, 2010

We went back to the bike shop and put in the order today. I think the guy was pretty shocked.

We’ve been working out pretty hard. We’ve both been swimming more and I did some interval running with Ceecee today. We ran/walked 9 miles, which is my farthest since high school. I’m not going to say it didn’t hurt, but we made it.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

So, the rest of yesterday was weird. After the race, we went to the tri store and bought a bunch of stuff. I got some new Saucony running shoes and Ceecee got a pink cycling Jersey and some accessories. Then we went to my Dad’s birthday. I’m really glad Ceecee is still considering my parents to be family. It almost felt normal while we were over there. They don’t know anything about the problems we’re having and considering my track record of failed marriages and relationships, I can’t see telling them.

The sushi party was for the birthday of the wife of one of the teachers at the school where we work. It was mostly younger people there, but we hung out and ate and drank and had a good time. Seth, the guy whose house we were at, plays guitar in a band and he was singing some songs as the evening went on. They kept bringing out shots of tequila and I don’t like liquor, so I wasn’t really drinking them, but Ceecee kept taking shots and I figured she must be feeling them. She came and kind of sat on my lap while they were singing and I held her a little bit and caressed her back.

When we left, I tried to kiss her in the car and she turned away again. I couldn’t believe it. I thought that as much fun as we had and as close as we seemed that last night was the night for sure. It wasn’t. We drove home in a kind of awkwardness and I just don’t know what to do. I just don’t.